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Can cultural traditions be destroyed by over-exposure to tourism?
  Topic ID 582
August 22, 2012
8:08 pm
Member
Forum Posts: 67
Member Since:
July 16, 2012
Offline
1   Post ID 2228
0

Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe that is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

 

Today, as the disposable income of citizens are increasing, travelling to historical attractions and learning other cultures is becoming popular. Some residents worry about that the surging tourist population would disrupt the normal life and ruin the culture in their hometown. In this essay, I will analyze the link between tourists and tourist attractions, and explain why congested travelers may jeopardize the local cultural tradition.

 

Regarding the place where has historical value as tourist destination elevate its reputation; therefore, both local inhabitants and governments could earn more money. Citizens and authorities could utilize these funds to improve their living standard of citizens and to protect the old architectures respectively. Tourists also propagandize the characteristics of the place which impress them most to their companions. It is the reputation that attracts increasing number of visitors to visit the place and disseminates the cultural tradition to more people. Achieving the attention from governments is another reason. If the culture is popular enough, governors would take measures to protect this culture efficiently.

 

However, the crowded travelers undermine the ambience of the tourist venue. Residents become more materialistic. For instance, some local residents in famous historical villages cheat tourists amid the temptation of profit. Cultural transformation is happening in these places and changing their morality. Some tourists ruin the architectures and historical treasure as well, such as lettering on the priceless brick and touching the objects arbitrarily. Also, the excessive number of tourists makes the tourist attractions bustle and hustle, and the tranquil and serene living habits lost.

 

Even though attracting more people increases the income of local citizens and elevates the reputation of the place, it jeopardizes the life style of the local residents. Be it residents or scenery, the local historical culture cannot be fully protected. Instead, governments should shoulder more responsibility.

 

Text Statistics

No. of sentences 18  
No. of words 300  
No. of complex words 64  
Percent of complex words 21.33%  
Average words  per sentence 16.67  
Average syllables per word 1.79

 

Hey, everyone, I haven't upload my essay here for already 2 weeks because mine is really not good. I practice my essay everyday, that's why, I come here to check whether my work is better than it used to be. I am so sorry that my sentences is quite long in this essay which is not good.

 

My exam is on Sep 1, so it is close. If it is possible, please give me the score you think. Maybe just 5.5 or even lower, that's fine. I just want to know my capacity in writing part.

 

Each time I make many mistakes in my essay, and I never achieve praise from Enda. I realize that I have a huge disparity to achieve my goal. I need keep training. Honestly, I kind of scare to see Enda now. It is because that I always think my skills are improve, but it turns out I am just stablize at one platform. I lose my confident. But I appreciate the comment from Enda, if I don't come here, he doesn't help me, I would never improve myself. He is a good teacher, I learn a lot from him. His comment told me I need keep training, my works are lousy.

 

I should admit that in this forum, almost everyone is better than me. I hope I could helf anybody in my own way. Sorry about sometimes my comments are not useful at all.

 

Best regards,

 

David

August 22, 2012
10:56 pm
writefix
Guest
2   Post ID 2230
5

Hi David -  don’t despair and sorry for the lack of praise so far!  Let me record here that I really appreciate all the hard work you've done and all the comments you've made. I'm sure I speak for many people when I say thanks for all your effort!

And here’s a little more praise – this essay isn’t bad at all!

However…

(there's always a however, or a but, isn't there!

The thing that jumps out, however, is the vocabulary. It’s very dense. That’s not a technical term, but it means that there is a lot of ideas and vocabulary crammed in here.  Less would do!

I’m going to make a few simplifications in word choice. Check my message to Xiaoyu today about vocab. There’s no need to work too hard to show the examiner your vocabulary in IELTS Writing.  The real IELTS vocab test is in Reading, where you have to read 2500 words in just an hour, and in Speaking, where you have to produce natural-sounding conversation and opinions in 11-14  minutes. In the Writing, my advice is to use the simplest vocab you can, and to aim to use it right.

So I wouldn’t say ‘Tourists also propagandize the characteristics of the place which impress them most to their companions’ – I would say “tourists tell their friends about places they like”  OR  “tourists tell their friends about places that impress them”  OR “if tourists are impressed by a place, they will tell their friends.”

I wouldn’t say “congested travelers” -  I would say “crowds of travelers.” 

It’s just easier to get the simpler expressions right. The IELTS writing test is not the time to experiment! Play it safe.

Here’s your essay, with some simplications and clarifications. I’ve tried to stay true to your ideas and structures. You will notice that I've had to change almost none of your organization because it was fine. I haven't had to extend paragraphs, or reduce them. In one or two places I've added a word or two as examples. But apart from that, the essay is absolutely fine. I've just simplifed the vocab.

 

David's essay, with some vocab changes.

Today, as the disposable income of citizens is increasing, travelling to historical attractions and learning other cultures is becoming popular. Some residents worry that surging tourist populations would disrupt the normal life and ruin the culture in their hometowns. In this essay, I will analyze the link between tourists and tourist attractions, and explain why too many travelers may jeopardize local cultural traditions.

Historical sites, natural beauty, or great entertainment and culture can all turn regions and cities into tourist destinations and elevate their reputation.  As a result, local inhabitants and governments could earn more money. Companies and local authorities can use these funds to improve the living standard of locals, protect old architecture or the environment, and provide even more tourist facilities. When tourists are impressed by a place, they tell their friends and this reputation attracts an even greater number of visitors. Tourism can also make local people proud of their culture, and encourage the authorities to protect and develop this culture.

However, large crowds of travelers can also undermine the ambience of a tourist venue. First of all, residents can become more materialistic, or even cheat tourists for short-term profit. Cultural transformations can occur and affect the morals of  local people. Some tourists ruin the architecture or historical treasure as well, for example by writing graffiti or just by touching or handling objects. Also, an excessive number of tourists can make the tourist attractions noisy and congested, and the tranquil environment and serene living habits of local people can be lost.

Even though attracting more people increases the income of local citizens and improves the reputation of the place, it jeopardizes the life style of the local residents. Too much tourism can damage the very thing that people come to see. Governments, local authorities, travel companies and local people need to accept responsibility to protect the cultural, historical or natural resource of their areas.

 

Well done, and thanks again. In your next essay, put away the dictionary. Turn off the thesaurus. Switch off the spellchecker and get away from Google. If it's a mental dictionary, set it to "Level: Suitable for age 16" and don't go higher than that. Challenge yourself to chose the simplest words you can get away with. 

Remember, in the descriptors:

Band 5: "limited" (that means you really don't have enough vocab)

Band 6: "adequate" (that means you have just about enough.)

Band 7: "uses less common items WITH an awareness of style" (you can use strange words, but they have to be right. You can make "occasional" errors in word choice. "Occasional" means three or four in an essay, not nine or ten. So this is the key thing to focus on if you are aiming for a Band 7: you can get away with "occasional" errors in word choice. The other 246 words have to be correct. Not just in meaning, but in style. (Here are the official descriptors for IELTS Task 2 Writing.)  

Where did I get this figure of three or four from?  

Nowhere. I just made it up. But if you have 20 sentences, and 10 of them have errors in word choice, that definitely feels like waaaay too many to me.

If you have 20 sentences (a good, typical number to aim for in IELTS Task 2 writing) and only three or four of them have odd vocab items, that might be OK.

I'd not kidding about the age 16 thing above. Imagine you are writing for a 16-year old niece or brother who is studying English. They are not as good as you at it, but they are among the top in their class. Write for them. If they understand it, you've got the right level. If they have to ask you about two or three words that's OK. If they fall asleep while you are reading, you need to start over. 

And well done on this essay.

August 23, 2012
8:59 am
Member
Forum Posts: 67
Member Since:
July 16, 2012
Offline
3  Post ID 2234
0

Hey, Enda,

 

Thx for ur useful comments, I ll just follow my mind, not try to cost a long time to think good words.

 

Oh, man, I already finish my reply, however, the damn internet.

 

My wanna say about the criticism and compliment in my mind. I guess one criticism is much more useful than thousands of compliment. Espectially when u r not good. For example, u told me that I should cut my damn long sentences down, then, I do it in the following days. U told me there has some common grammar mistakes in my essay, I try to fix it in the following weeks. By that I mean, I study a lot from ur comments. If I havent come here, I never know my huge mistakes, just write the essays which used by tons of people.

 

Writing is important in our life, and I think no matter what the result it is in my imminent exam on sep 1, I will keep training. I really wanna improve my english skills, not just for exam. U help me a lot, I dont know what to say. I m really appreciate ur comments and ur selfless help. Thx so much, I wanna stay here to giv my advices to other people though sometimes it is useless.

 

Again, big thx to Enda. Have a good day.

 

Best regards,

 

David

September 1, 2012
6:50 pm
Member
Forum Posts: 54
Member Since:
June 18, 2012
Offline
4  Post ID 2291
0

David Lee said

Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe that is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

 

Today, as the disposable income of citizens are increasing,(irrelevant with topic) travelling to historical attractions and learning other cultures is becoming popular. Some residents(local inhabitant /aboriginesworry about that the surging tourist population would disrupt the normal life and ruin the culture in their hometown.( will make effort to protect their inherent culture and tradition)

 In this essay, I will analyze the link between tourists and tourist attractions(should be protection and making money), and explain why congested travelers may jeopardize the local cultural tradition.

 

Regarding the place where has historical value as tourist destination elevate its reputation( i can't understand this, grammar meaning); therefore, both local inhabitants and governments could earn more money. Citizens and authorities could utilize these funds to improve their living standard of citizens and to protect the old architectures respectively. Tourists also propagandize the characteristics of the place which impress them most to their companions. It is the reputation that attracts increasing number of visitors to visit the place and disseminates the cultural tradition to more people. Achieving the attention from governments is another reason. If the culture is popular enough, governors would take measures to protect this culture efficiently.

 

you go around the topic with the theme in para2. u should discuss how tourist benefit historical protection or how negative damage protection, which is not detailed and deeply. 

 

However, the crowded travelers undermine the ambience of the tourist venue. Residents become more materialistic. For instance, some local residents in famous historical villages cheat tourists amid the temptation of profit. Cultural transformation is happening in these places and changing their morality. Some tourists ruin the architectures and historical treasure as well, such as lettering on the priceless brick and touching the objects arbitrarily. Also, the excessive number of tourists makes the tourist attractions bustle and hustle, and the tranquil and serene living habits lost.

 

more detailed discussion than para2, need logic and clear thinking.

 

Even though attracting more people increases the income of local citizens and elevates the reputation of the place, it jeopardizes the life style of the local residents. Be it residents or scenery, the local historical culture cannot be fully protected. Instead, governments should shoulder more responsibility.

 

finally, you use too much difficult and rare words, can u still write them out in exam conditions? ielts needs accurate first then difficulty.

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