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Is economic progress the only way to measure a country's development?
  Topic ID 400
June 25, 2012
12:42 pm
Member
Forum Posts: 22
Member Since:
May 20, 2012
Offline
1   Post ID 1504
0

Economic progress is one way to measure the success of a country. Some people think there are other factors. What other factors should be considered?


People from developed world enjoy prosperous life style which recognized as successful countries. Some people argue that there are other indexes to measure successfulness of a nation. This essay will outline what are the other contributors to a well-established country and explain why I believe these following factors are also vital to this issue.

Education is one of the indicators to help a country to grow prosperous and functional from the citizen level. With academic and job-related skills training, people would definitely contribute in both education in various fields, also to construct and maintain fundamental constructions, transportation system, is an example for it. Truly, it needs qualified employers to provide the services.

Another point is the positive reputation of a country. America is one of the powerful and most respectful nations globally. It provides food and healthcare services to poor nations. Therefore, people from less prosperous regions can have better nutrition and stay away from the preventable illness.

Last but most important indicator is democracy. People could express their opinion freely. Politicians need to open a window to welcome all the criticizing and advices before making any crucial policy. Thus, it ensure the administration apply the proper policy to promote all aspect of the nation.

In short, economic growth regards as a symbol of a successful country in most people’s mind. However, education, reputation and freedom to delivery opinion should be considered as significant contributors to achieve the standards of achieving the goal. Neither one of it could be ignored.

 

-250 words-

June 26, 2012
3:18 pm
writefix
Guest
2  Post ID 1521
0

Hi Shieiuan

Thanks for this essay!  It's 252 words which is fine, and it has an average of 

Ideas

You wrote:

People from developed world enjoy prosperous life style which recognized as successful countries.

This is a little circular. Could we leave the last part out?

People from the developed world enjoy prosperous life styles.  

Word Choice/Word Form/Usage

there are other indexes to measure successfulness of a nation →
there are other indexes to measure the success of a nation   OR  
there are other indexes to measure the wealth/ achievement/ prosperity/ happiness of a nation

Shorten

Try to keep sentences short.

You wrote:

This essay will outline what are the other contributors to a well-established country and explain why I believe these following factors are also vital to this issue.  (27 words)

Here’s one possible rewrite:

This essay will outline other contributors to a country’s prosperity and explain why I believe these are also vital. (19 words)   OR

This essay will outline other vital contributors to a country’s prosperity. (11 words)

You wrote:

Education is one of the indicators to help a country to grow prosperous and functional from the citizen level.

Here’s one possible rewrite:

  • Education is one indicator of individual success. OR 
    Education is one of the indicators of a fully developed country.

You wrote:

With academic and job-related skills training, people would definitely contribute in both education in various fields, also to construct and maintain fundamental constructions, transportation system, is an example for it. (30 words)

Here’s one possible rewrite:

With academic and job-related skills training, people are able to contribute in many fields. (14 words)

Cohesion

You wrote:

Another point is the positive reputation of a country. America is one of the powerful and most respectful nations globally. It provides food and healthcare services to poor nations. Therefore, people from less prosperous regions can have better nutrition and stay away from the preventable illness.

The idea is there, but it needs to be tied together. Maybe something like this might help:

Another measure of success is the positive reputation of a country. By providing food and healthcare services to poor nations and helping with development and disaster relief, America improves its image and becomes respected globally.   OR

Another measure of success is the positive reputation of a country. Many developed countries demonstrate their strength by providing food and healthcare or helping with development in poorer countries.

Verb Tense

You wrote:

Last but most important indicator is democracy. People could express their opinion freely. Politicians need to open a window to welcome all the criticizing and advices before making any crucial policy. Thus, it ensure the administration apply the proper policy to promote all aspect of the nation

Here it might be better to have one tense throughout.

A final but important indicator is democracy. If people can express their opinions freely, politicians will welcome criticism and advice before deciding on crucial policy. This ensures that the administration will develop the nation properly.

Economic growth regards as a symbol  → , economic growth is regarded as a symbol

Overall it's fine, but I'd like more examples in the three body paragraphs. I like the way you ended up with almost 250 words, though!

July 8, 2012
11:03 pm
Member
Forum Posts: 54
Member Since:
June 18, 2012
Offline
3  Post ID 1675
0

shieiuan said

Economic progress is one way to measure the success of a country. Some people think there are other factors. What other factors should be considered?


People from developed world enjoy prosperous life style which is recognized as symbol of successful countries. Some people argue that there are other indexes(i feel "indicators/standards" may be more proper) to measure successfulness of a nation. This essay will outline what are the other contributors to a well-established country and explain why I believe these following factors are also vital to this issue.

Education is one of the indicators to help a country to grow (to be)prosperous and functional (what does it mean?)from the citizen level. With academic and job-related skills training, people would definitely contribute in both education in various fields, also to construct and maintain fundamental constructions, transportation system, is an example for it. Truly, it needs qualified employers to provide the services.

some new thoughts about papa2:

education popularity is also a important indicator proving a country's success and strength. a real strong country needs vast number of talents to solid and keep a country sustainable develoment in long run. for example….

Another point is the positive reputation of a country. America is one of the powerful and most respectful (respected)nations globally around the word.. It provides food and healthcare services to poor nations. Therefore, people from less prosperous regions can have better nutrition and stay away from the preventable illness.

i think para3 is not logical and lack of theme or a core sentence. i write it as below:

a country's intangible power, such as internal insurance on public health and food security, etc, is another symbol exibiting its success. for example, USA…..

 

Last but most important indicator is democracy. People could express their opinion freely. Politicians need to open a window to welcome all the criticizing and advices before making any crucial policy. Thus, it ensure the administration apply the proper policy to promote all aspect of the nation. (how to link it to "success")

In short, economic growth regards as a symbol of a successful country in most people’s mind. However, education, reputation and freedom to delivery opinion should be considered as significant contributors to achieve the standards of achieving the goal. Neither one of it could be ignored.

 

-250 words-

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