Practise writing against the clock!

You can find essay topics here, or newer topics with essays here.

Welcome!

In the forum on this page you can see IELTS essays by people just like you. Over a year, hundreds of people added essays and comments and helped each other to get a great IELTS essay score! Have a look at their amazing writing!

Update: The forum is closed!

I had to scale back work on this forum and so the forum is now CLOSED! Sorry! However, the hundreds of essays and thousands of comments will still be here. A HUGE thanks to everyone who commented and to all the visitors. Hopefully, we've made IELTS writing less scary.

Useful Links and Tools

closed

Popular Tags

Click any of the links below to see essays on that topic.

art business communication children crime culture economy education environment families food freedom globalization
health heritage  leisure media politics science society sports television travel technology transport university violence work

Please consider registering
guest

Log In

Lost password?

Advanced Search:

— Forum Scope —



— Match —



— Forum Options —




Wildcard usage:
*  matches any number of characters    %  matches exactly one character

Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

Topic RSS Related Topics
Fixed punishment or flexible?
  Topic ID 288
May 4, 2012
5:07 pm
Member
Forum Posts: 3
Member Since:
May 2, 2012
Offline
1  Post ID 945
0

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Comments please.. Thanks..

Issues about having fixed penalties for every sort of crime have been a debatable matter for a long time. Some people claim that the punishment for each type of offense should be permanent. Though, various individuals are convinced that there are certain things that need to be regarded when deciding on punishment. This essay will show why some favors fixed punishment and why others including myself do not agree to this.

A fixed punishment for every kind of offense has a favorable effect for some. People knowing that there is a permanent penalty, meaning no considerations, no trials would certainly make them think twice, whether, or not they will engage in any unlawful acts. This will result to a less crime country. A more safe and secure environment for the civilians.

On the other hand, some are still convinced that there are conditions that need to be considered. A man, who intentionally murdered his boss, is in totally different position to the case of a girl who accidentally killed a man who is raping her as a result of self- defense. Both incidents got a man killed. However, the situation and the stimulus are totally different.  In cases like this, the girl is also a victim. Judgment should be fair and square.

In conclusion, I personally think that motivation and circumstances such as situation and condition should be included when studying a case and deciding on penalty. In addition, a more stringent law and punishment can prevent criminal tendency.

May 20, 2012
7:58 pm
Member
Forum Posts: 39
Member Since:
March 9, 2012
Offline
2   Post ID 1074
0

HI I would love to put my essay here because we are writing in the same topic~~~


advice: The most important in IELTS writing is that you have to follow the rule which requires the minimum numbers of words! 

     good luck my friend Im going to have my test soon so I cannot help you to correct! However, I will help you when I finish it !!!

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstance of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Today, some people maintain that the judgments and punishments should be fixed in the beginning. Others, however, advocate that every single case of crime should censor the conditions in the scene of the crime, and also should judge the purposes from the offenders. In this essay, I will discuss why people think that is important to set up the punishments beforehand, and significantly point out why the circumstances is necessary to the crime.

In present day, it is definitely essential to aware why we should fix the punishment for each type of crime. Some people suffer from parents' death, sadness and hopeless felling by losing parents. Many severe crimes are the causes to affect in society, namely murders, robberies and unpredictable crime action etc. Victim's family have found so hard to make a living after their parents get killed, so they wish criminals can be judged and sentenced as pain as they have committed. For example, victim's parents are in favor of punishment that is limited for different type of crime such as capital punishment or life in imprisonment which they think can alleviate their angry and relieve the sadness.

On the other hand, individuals advocate that the conditions and sufficient evidences are both important to victims and criminals. It is beneficial to victim's parents and it accelerates the pace of the trail to sentence punishments. Besides, if the jury and the judge consider the lawbreakers whose motivation to commit and their purposes, it not only helps the court to reveal the crime easily, but also protects the entitlement of lawbreakers and law-abiding citizens.

In conclusion, in my point of view, the act of committing crime and how serious they are can be analyzed in different aspects. A court of law cannot charge the criminal without evidences or fairness. Moreover, when the life more advanced, the way we cope with the major crime should be more sophisticated.

May 21, 2012
10:54 am
writefix
Guest
3   Post ID 1083
0

Hi Nick 

Nick, in your intro you wrote:

Today, some people maintain that the judgments and punishments should be fixed in the beginning. Others, however, advocate that every single case of crime should censor the conditions in the scene of the crime, and also should judge the purposes from the offenders. In this essay, I will discuss why people think that is important to set up the punishments beforehand, and significantly point out why the circumstances is necessary to the crime. (73 words)

You’ve used “some people” and “others” in this essay. It’s a very useful way of starting some essays. In this case, though, because the ideas are so long, maybe we could change. We could use two questions:

Should punishments for crimes be fixed? Or should every case be judged individually? In this essay, I will discuss why some people think it is necessary to have punishments, but point out why we need to consider the circumstances of each crime. (41 words)

Ideas and Planning

You have focused on one type of crime involving the parents of a murder victim -  what about other crimes such as rape, assault, fraud, corruption, drunk driving, theft? 

Word Choice/Word Form/Usage

  • In present day → Today
  • it is definitely essential → It is essential
  • it is essential to aware → It is essential to be aware

Shorten and Specifiy

You wrote

In present day, it is definitely essential to aware why we should fix the punishment for each type of crime.

This could be more specific and shorter:

  • Most countries have prescribed punishments for certain crimes.
  • Fixed penalties for various crimes are widely accepted. 

Organization

Paragraph Two needs some reorganization and needs to be shortened to remove repetition. These two sentences need to be switched:

Some people suffer from parents' death, sadness and hopeless felling by losing parents. Many severe crimes are the causes to affect in society, namely murders, robberies and unpredictable crime action etc.

The paragraph could be rewritten as

Many people want to see swift, severe punishment for shocking or violent crimes. Families can suffer emotionally or financially for many years after a murder. It is natural for them to seek justice to alleviate their anger and sadness. The gap of a missing child, a sister, or a parent can never be filled, but if the criminal is caught and punished to the fullest extent, the family can obtain some relief.

Paragraph Three

Your third paragraph is clearer than your second paragraph. Why? What makes it work better? Is the ideas, the length, the sentences, the clarity, the examples?

Simplify

There are too many ideas in these sentences:

 On the other hand, individuals advocate that the conditions and sufficient evidences are both important to victims and criminals. It is beneficial to victim's parents and it accelerates the pace of the trail to sentence punishments.

Try to separate them and to give examples. Let’s eliminate some unnecessary words, and let’s divide the ideas into separate sentences. We will also fix some pronoun errors:

Clear evidence helps judges to decide. It clears up the events leading to the crime, and helps the victims or their families to fully understand what happened, if not why.  It speeds up prosecution, so that victims don’t have to wait for years to see justice. It also removes doubt in the mind of the public. If the judge and jury examine the motivation and events surrounding the crime carefully, the legitimate rights of the guilty are observed. The respect for law will also increase.

Organization: Conclusion

One of the most important sentences in your essay is this one (slightly edited). It's a very good sentence.

A court of law cannot charge the criminal unfairly or without evidence.

But it’s in your conclusion! Why? A great short sentence like this should be in the body or the introduction, not sitting at the end! Don’t introduce new ideas in your conclusion.

This often happens when you are writing against the clock. The best ideas come when you have been writing for a while – but if you are writing by hand, it’s too late to reorganize your essay! 

Plan, plan, plan! Don’t start until you have a clear idea of each paragraph AND your conclusion.

Here’s more new info in the conclusion:

Moreover, when the life more advanced, the way we cope with the major crime should be more sophisticated.

Well, this is an interesting idea, but how should it be more sophisticated? Is the way we deal with it now not sophisticated? What is wrong? Don’t hint, and don’t make us work. Tell us what you want to say.

The biggest problem?

Probably the biggest problem with this topic is that we need definitions and background. We need definition at the beginning in the intro, or at the start of each paragraph. What is fixed punishment? What does it mean to judge each case on its own merits? How much freedom should courts have to decide punishment? What is a widely accepted punishment for murder, or for rape or computer crime or fraud or corruption?

It’s a difficult topic, and I think some of your other essays were more successful. Try to keep the sentence length down. Have only one idea per sentence. Define your topic in the intro. Don’t add new info in the conclusion, no matter how good it is. 

May 21, 2012
11:13 am
writefix
Guest
4   Post ID 1084
0

Hi Scarlette

I was waiting to see if perhaps you could comment on some other people's essays. If we all help, the work is much less!

Overall, the essay is very clear. I like your use of short sentences, particularly at the end of Paragraph 3. You have a great idea and supporting example in Paragraph 3 as well. You are very careful in your essays to meet the required word length, but there's no harm in writing a few words more.

Standard phrases

Try to avoid using standard phrases, chunks of phrases or sentences which too many writers insert just to make their essays look academic.

Here are some from your essay which could be used in many essays or which do not really add

  • have been a debatable matter for a long time
  • On the other hand, some are still convinced that there are conditions that need to be considered.

Leave them out. You don’t need them. Your writing is fine without these chunks and tired old phrases. See more about these phrases here.

Word Choice/Usage/

Though, various individuals are convinced that there are certain things that need to be regarded when deciding on punishment.

Specify. Remove the passive. Don’t use ‘though.’ Remove the vague word ‘things.’

Most people accept that it’s important to consider the circumstances of a crime.

Punctuation: Fragments

This is not a complete sentence:

A more safe and secure environment for the civilians.

It needs a verb:

Stronger penalties will give us a more secure environment.

Punctuation: Commas

A man, who intentionally murdered his boss, is in totally different position

The commas are not needed here. The information between them is important or necessary. If in doubt, leave commas out.

Ideas and Organization

Your layout is very clear. You have only two ideas, really  -  making society safer in Paragraph 2, and a very good example of the same crime in different situations in Paragraph 3. It would be great if you had more examples like this.

You’ve written 249 words: you could easily add more ideas by shortening some sentences and adding another 30 words or so. The requirement is 250, which you’ve met, but you also need to present and develop ideas fully.

Looking forward to seeing some comments from you on Nick's essay or on any other essays here!

May 21, 2012
11:21 am
writefix
Guest
5  Post ID 1085
0

Nick, you're right –  when an examiner would pick up Scarlette's essay, the first thing he or she would do is count the words.

As it happens, the requirement of 250 has been met, but the examiner still had to check because it LOOKS short, even if it isn't. If a candidate's essay is obviously longer than 250, the examiners won't bother to count.  

It's tough to deal with some of these topics in just 250 words, but it's better to write 250 good words than 350 long rambling boring ones.

However, most candidates can manage to write 275 or even up to 300 in the time without too much of a problem, and I think it's probably good to aim for 260-270 than to just aim for the minimum. What happens if you dry up? You definitely don't want to be penalized because your essay is a word or two short of the minimum?

May 21, 2012
10:31 pm
Member
Forum Posts: 20
Member Since:
May 20, 2012
Offline
6  Post ID 1098
0

Issues about having fixed penalties for every sort of crime have been a debatable matter for a long time. Some people claim that the punishment for a specific type of offense should be permanent. Though, various individuals are convinced that there are certain things that need to be regarded when deciding on punishment. This essay will show why some favors fixed punishment and why others including myself do not agree to this.(Cohesiveness lacking)

A fixed punishment for every kind of offense has a favorable (favourable) effect for some. People knowing that there is a permanent penalty, meaning no considerations, no trials would certainly make them think twice, whether, or not they will (to) engage in any unlawful acts. This will result to a (in) less crime country leading to a more safe and secure environment for the civilians.

On the other hand, some are still convinced that there are conditions that need to be considered. A man, who intentionally murdered his boss, is in (a) totally different position( when compared)to the case of a girl who accidentally killed a man who is raping her as a result of self- defenses(structure is incorrect)(defence). Both incidents got a man killed. However, the situation and the stimulus are totally different.  In cases like this, the girl is also a victim. Judgment should be fair and square.

In conclusion, I personally think that motivation and circumstances such as situation and condition should be included when studying a case and (to)deciding (decide) on(its) penalty. In addition, a more stringent law and punishment can prevent criminal tendency.

Forum Timezone: Asia/Bangkok

Most Users Ever Online: 299

Currently Online:
38 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 1

Members: 173

Moderators: 0

Admins: 0

Forum Stats:

Groups: 1

Forums: 3

Topics: 545

Posts: 2204

Newest Members: Enda Tuomey, charrmaine

Moderators:

Administrators: