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Does human activity harm the earth or make it a better place to live in?
  Topic ID 312
May 19, 2012
9:23 pm
Member
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
May 14, 2012
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1   Post ID 1072
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Topic: Human activities make the earth a better place to live in. But others say that human activities do more harm than preserving the earth. Discuss both views and give your opinion

 

It is our natural curiosity that led to the development of different tools and technology. Undoubtedly, people have done enormous efforts for the betterment of our lives. However, others think that due to our negligence, Earth is already dying. I believe otherwise.

Never ending inventions and progress were seen and made since the world begun. The main probable objective of all these advancements is for the conviniency of man kind. Unfortunately, these colossal changes, whether they are intentionally done or not, have drastically affected our planet. One good example is our continous dependence on fuel. This has resulted to pollution which is considered as one of our major environmental problems.

Moreover, expansion of land areas into cities has lead to destruction of our forests. Apparently, this has been overlooked and now, we are facing the extinction of certain kinds of plants and animals. Also, due to vast deforestation, flash floods and landslides are frequently occuring  in different localities. These phenomena have killed so many peopleand destroyed lots of properties.

On the other side of the coin, people nowadays are aware that there is really a problem. Various groups and our government are now acting to solve our environmental issues. Several laws are also implemented regarding  the beautification and preservation of our natural resources.Furthermore, men from all walks of life are working hand-in-hand to save our mother earth. One perfect evidence of this is the Earth Hour event when all people across the world came together to fight against climate change.

Although we are the ones held liable to all these dilemmas, I still believe that it is not yet too late for us. Only concrete actions and preventive measures are needed to conserve the beauty of nature. As long as there is unity and concern in every people, Earth would still continue to give life in every living things.

May 21, 2012
11:55 pm
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Forum Posts: 20
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May 20, 2012
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2  Post ID 1102
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It is our natural curiosity that has led to the development of different tools and technology. Undoubtedly, people have done (made) enormous efforts for the betterment of our lives. However, others think that due to our negligence, the Earth is already dying. I believe otherwise.

Never ending inventions and progress were seen and made since the world begun. The main probable objective of all these advancements is for (to make life convenient )the conviniency of man kind. Unfortunately, these colossal changes, whether they are intentionally done or not, have drastically affected our planet. One good example is our continous dependence on fuel. This has resulted to pollution which is considered as one of our (the) major environmental problems.

Moreover, expansion of land areas into cities has lead to destruction of our forests. Apparently, this has been overlooked and now, we are facing the extinction of certain kinds of plants and animals. Also, due(This has lead ) to vast deforestation, flash floods and(as a result)landslides are frequently occuring  in different localities. These phenomena  have killed so many people and (it has) destroyed lots of properties.

On the other side of the coin, people nowadays are aware that there is really a problem(there are some problems caused by it). Various groups and our government are now acting to solve our(these) environmental issues. Several laws are also implemented regarding  the beautification and preservation of our natural resources.Furthermore, men from all walks of life are working hand-in-hand to save our mother earth. One perfect evidence of this is the Earth Hour event(not clear) when all people across the world (will)came together to fight against climate change.

Although we are the ones held liable to all these dilemmas, I still believe that it is not yet too late for us. Only concrete actions and preventive measures are needed to conserve the beauty of nature. As long as there is unity and concern in every(among) people, the Earth would still continue to give life in (to) every living things.

May 22, 2012
8:10 am
VIET NAM
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Forum Posts: 28
Member Since:
May 18, 2012
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3  Post ID 1104
5

Hi B_rocky09,

this is the second time i have given comment for your writing. i think that your grammar and vocabulary are quite good; of course, it is difficult for me to write as well as you.

however, your expression is somehow complicated.  you often write some sentences to explain or lead to problem, that is not necessary, you should go straight to ideas you want to express.  (this is also my teacher's comment for my writing). 

it takes me more than one hour to give comments for each writing. i am really happy if you find them useful.

best wishes,

 

It is our men's or human beings' natural curiosity that lead to the development of different tools and technologyies. Undoubtedly, people have done enormous efforts for the betterment improvement of our their lives. However, others many people and I think that human activities are destroying the Earth. due to our negligence, Earth is already dying. I believe otherwise.

Never ending inventions and progress were seen and made since the world begun. By modernizing, people bad affect the earth's environment  The main probable objective of all these advancements is for the conviniency of man kind. Unfortunately, these colossal changes, whether they are intentionally done or not, have drastically affected our planet. One good example is our continous dependence on usage of fuel in transportation and companies. This has resulted to air pollution which is considered as one of our major environmental problems. (one para with the above para)Moreover, expansion of land areas into cities has lead to destruction of our the forests. Apparently, this has been overlooked and now, as a result, we are facing the extinction of certain kinds of plants and animals. Also, due to vast deforestation, flash floods and landslides are frequently occuring  in different localities. These phenomena have killed so many people and destroyed lots of properties.

On the other side of the coin, people nowadays are aware of the bad influences of their activities on the Earth. that there is really a problem. Various groups and our governments are now acting( or are joining hands to) to solve our environmental issues (or problems). For example, Several laws are also implemented regarding  the beautification and preservation of our natural resources. Furthermore, men from all walks of life are working hand-in-hand to save our mother earth (or individuals are becoming more and more aware of the need to the Earth's protection) . One perfect evidence of this is the annual Earth Hour event when all people across the world came come together to fight against climate changes.

Although we are the ones held liable to all these dilemmas, I still believe that it is not yet too late for us (OR in conclusion, people have caused many negative consequences on the Earth). Only concrete actions and preventive measures are needed to conserve the beauty of nature. As long as there is unity and concern in every all people, the Earth would still will continue to be safe home for human beings. give life in every living things.

..........move forward and succeed.............
June 1, 2012
1:51 pm
writefix
Guest
4  Post ID 1202
0

Hi B_rock09

Here are a few comments – I don’t know if you are still visiting the site, but I hope they are useful.

Intro

You wrote:

It is our natural curiosity that led to the development of different tools and technology. Undoubtedly, people have done enormous efforts for the betterment of our lives

The problem with this is that the reader has now read two sentences but still is not sure about the topic of the essay. How could you get to the point more quickly?  Could you mention the earth and human activities in the first sentence?

Word Choice/Word Form/Usage

  • The main probable objective of all these advancements is for the conviniency of man kind. → Most of these advances were made for our convenience.  OR The main objective of these advances was increased convenience. OR  The main objective of these advances was to make our lives easier.
  • These phenomena have killed so many people → These phenomena have killed many people
  • Although we are the ones held liable to all these dilemmas → Although we are the ones held liable for these problems  (you didn’t present us with a  dilemma or choice)
  • Earth would still continue to give life in every living things → Earth will still continue /can continue to provide a home for all living things.

You wrote:

Furthermore, men from all walks of life are working hand-in-hand to save our mother earth.   One perfect evidence of this is the Earth Hour event when all people across the world came together to fight against climate change.

Why only men?

Furthermore, people are finally cooperating to save our planet. Evidence of this is the Earth Hour event when millions of people across the world come together to fight against climate change.

Shorten and simplify

  • This has resulted to pollution which is considered as one of our major environmental problems. → This has resulted in pollution which is one of our major environmental problems.
  • Several laws are also implemented regarding  the beautification and preservation of our natural resources. → Several laws have also been implemented regarding  the  preservation of our natural resources.

(Can natural resources such as oil or coal be ‘beautfied’? I can understand parks, beaches, or cities, but natural resources?)

Passives and Reference

You wrote:

Apparently, this has been overlooked and now, we are facing the extinction of certain kinds of plants and animals.

Who has overlooked it? And why ‘apparently’?  Why not just write:

Now, we are facing the extinction of certain kinds of plants and animals.

Overall

Overall the essay is fine. It could be tightened up.  There are a lot of vague woolly ideas: I was expecting whale songs and dolphins and guitars and cute drawings of beautiful people holding hands, but you have also given some specific examples, such as Earth Hour. More would be better!

Comments from other writers

Anufrancis and Rose2802 spotted many of the errors above

I really liked Rose2802’s suggested change from what you wrote:

Furthermore, men from all walks of life are working hand-in-hand to save our mother earth →

Individuals are becoming more and more aware of the need to protect the Earth

I also really liked Rose2802’s suggested topic sentence for Paragraph 2.  You already have a fine topic sentence for Paragraph 3, but Paragraph 2 needed a clearer one.

I liked the two sentences you wrote here:

However, others think that due to our negligence Earth is already dying. I believe otherwise.

Thanks B_rock09 and Anufrancis and Rose2802 for all your work and comments!

June 1, 2012
1:59 pm
writefix
Guest
5   Post ID 1203
0

Hi Rose2802

You wrote:

it takes me more than one hour to give comments for each writing. i am really happy if you find them useful.

I am sure that people really appreciate your help. I certainly do!

It does take a long time, because you have to think about the writer and what he or she means and then you have to think about the readers, and how you could make it clearer for them, and then you have to take an idea which is not yours and try to rewrite it as clearly as possible.

It takes me about the same length of time -  between 40 minutes to 1 hour or even 75 minutes to give feedback on one essay. But don't let that scare anyone who wants to comment! (Examiners in IELTS on the other hand only spend a few minutes per paper – all your hard work is evaluated in just a few moments!)

It's fine to give comments on a part of an essay or even on just one or two aspects -  you don't have to cover grammar AND punctuation AND ideas AND organization AND vocabulary.

If you don't have much time to comment, just write a sentence or two about how the other person's essay made you feel -  if it was easy to read, hard to read, needed a better introduction, needed a topic sentence.

Microsoft Word has a spellcheck, so there's no need to correct spellings or basic grammar.

June 2, 2012
8:35 am
VIET NAM
Member
Forum Posts: 28
Member Since:
May 18, 2012
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6  Post ID 1219
0

Dear Mr Writefix,

thank you for your suggestion.

i agree it is better and easier to give comment on one part of essay or one aspect. i will do that.

if i have time, of course, i will still have specific comments for whole essay.

best wishes,

..........move forward and succeed.............
June 3, 2012
9:50 pm
writefix
Guest
7  Post ID 1237
0

Thanks Rose2802!

You've helped a lot! A great role model!

Do some studying and come back when you have time!

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