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Should children start school very early?
  Topic ID 360
June 8, 2012
4:17 pm
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Forum Posts: 52
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February 6, 2012
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1  Post ID 1306
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Some children start school when they are seven years old, while others start at the age of four. What could be the advantages and disadvantages of starting school very early?


The age at which children start school varies between 4 and 7 years in different countries. Some people argue that children should start start their education as young as possible while others want to give them time to develop ahead of attending school. This essay will discuss the advantages and pitfalls of starting one‘s education at a very early age.

Supporters maintain that starting school young has significant benefits for a child’s education. Starting 3 years before their peers can give pupils a head start. As a result students may have less pressure and can take more time to learn and practise. Moreover, schools can use a more playful approach in the early years. Finally, school leavers will be younger in countries where school start education young. This is considered a decisive advantage when entering the job market.

Opponents believe there is little use in sending children to school very early in life. Obviously, younger children can not concentrate for very long. A few years older children can learn on a much faster pace and easily make up for the time their peers already spent in school. One can argue that children need to be given sufficient time for personal and social development through playing and exploring before they are ready to enter class. Otherwise, they may feel overwhelmed by school and even worse, loose their curiosity and enthusiasm for learning already at the very beginning.

In conclusion, while everybody wants children to have the best education possible it is difficult to decide at what age they should start school. 4 years appears very young for most children but some students may already be able to profit from an early start. Maybe the decision about an adequate age should be an individual choice for children and their parents.

June 8, 2012
4:19 pm
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2   Post ID 1307
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I write this essay as well and expect to have a discussion with you guys .this one takes a bit longer cuz i look back and modify a bit the stupid grammatical errors and stuff.

 

In recent years, the controversy amongst parents as to whether the children should be sent to school at a younger age has drawn much attention. This argument is a subject that is both supported and refuted by many. Both sides of the argument will be analyzed before a reasoned conclusion is shared.

It is felt that the advantages of early admission to school are pleasantly palpable. Firstly, a child advances one’s emotional and intellectual development. Even if one may face more difficulties and failures, the experience gained could help grow mature and sensible.  Further, early education does not offer the students the knowledge and social experience, but also alleviate the parents’ burden. For instance, the parents can allocate more time to their work and private life. Thus, it is apparent that the students who accept early education bear more advantages.

For others, this is not the case. They counter that it is not a good idea to have early entry into school at the age of 4.   The principal reason is that the children are susceptible to the bad influences by what is surrounded, due to their curiosity to the new things and keen to imitate what they receive.  Moreover, they are unable to keep abreast of or slower to absorb what is taught in the classroom. As a result, they might end up being lacking self-confidence or being ostracized by the peers. From this point of view, to start education at a normal age of 7 is well-advised and more convincing.

To summarize, it is argued that accepting earlier education does give the students the competitive advantages including earlier development, opportunities for acquiring knowledge and social experience as well as less burden for the parents.  Despite that, the disadvantages are also obvious such as their inability to differentiate the good from the bad and to keep pace with their peers.

 

Words: 313  

Average words per sentence 18.41    hmm..maybe still need a bit  "cut-down" on the words of some cs…
June 11, 2012
3:49 pm
writefix
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3  Post ID 1334
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Hi Katiss

Another excellent and fully developed essay. It's 298 words long and has a sentence average of 17.53 – a little long, but there are very few sentences I'd change. Perhaps remember to add one or two very short sentences (5-10 words) to reduce the average.

In places, the essay does sound a little clipped, if you know what I mean – (other words could be 'terse' or 'stilted'). I think this is because you are really trying to limit the number of words and removing some cohesive links between sentences. Sometimes you can edit an essay to death!

I would add the cohesive device 'however' to the starting sentence in your third paragraph. It's needed to emphasize the change in idea. I would also join the second and third sentences with 'while.' Similarly, in paragraph three, I would add 'also' to the fourth sentence. Here's my revised paragraph three, with those minor changes

Opponents of early schooling, however, believe there is little use in sending children to school very early in life. Obviously, younger children can not concentrate for very long, while older children can learn at a much faster pace and easily make up for the time their peers already spent in school. One can also argue that children need to be given sufficient time for personal and social development through playing and exploring before they are ready to enter class. Otherwise, they may feel overwhelmed by school and even worse, lose their curiosity and enthusiasm for learning already at the very beginning.

A couple of other minor points:

  • A few years older children can learn on a much faster pace → Children a few years older can learn at a much faster pace
  • They may loose their curiosity → They may lose their curiosity
  • 4 years appears very young for most children but some students may already be able to profit from an early start. → Four years appears very young for most children, but some students may already be able to profit from an early start.

Sentences shouldn’t begin with a numeral – write it out e.g., “four, ” not “4”

I was interested in your final sentence – do you think a four-year-old is ready to decide if he or she is ready for school? I suppose the answer is 'of course'!

June 11, 2012
4:37 pm
writefix
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4   Post ID 1336
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cl_essay.gifkatiss_essay.gif

Thanks ChrisLuke and Katiss for these two essays. It's a good topic.

Here we have are two similar essays, but one is much easier to read than the other, and, frankly, is much more interesting. Why is Katiss' essay easier to read? (It's the one with all the greens in the pics).

I’m going to compare some numbers in a table from the useful statistics  at one of the two readability links at the top of this page- the one at read-able.com. I’ve also added two pictures of the results. Look at all the greens in the essay by Katiss.

  Katiss ChrisLuke
Words 298 313
Sentences 17 17
Number of Complex words 33 40
Percent of Complex words 11% 12.78%
Average Words Per Sentence 17.5 18.41
Average Syllables Per Word 1.46 1.5
Flesch Kincaid Reading Ease 65.8 (higher is better) 61.1
Grade Level 10 11
Passives 6% 41%

 

ChrisLuke's essay is higher on almost all counts (that's not good) but the main difference between the two essays is the huge number of passive sentences in ChrisLuke’s essay. Over 40% of the sentences are passives.  Here are some of the phrases:

  • The controversy… has drawn much attention.
  • This…is a subject that is both supported and refuted
  • Both sides of the argument will be analyzed
  • …before a reasoned conclusion is shared.
  • It is felt that…
  • it is argued that
  • From this point of view, to start education at a normal age of 7 is well-advised

ChrisLuke, why use these passives? Yes, they are correct, mostly, but passives are very formal and very deadening. You are trying too hard. A lot of these passives add nothing except difficulty and pseudo-authority to your writing. You don’t need them!

Another problem is that they are very often standardized phrases: your thesis sentence could be used in a million essays!  Make every sentence specific to the topic. Find out more about Thesis sentences here.

You can see more examples of tired old phrases and generic sentences here and here. Try to avoid using these phrases!

Let’s have a look at your topic sentence in the second paragraph. You wrote:

It is felt that the advantages of early admission to school are pleasantly palpable. (14 words)

Well, ‘palpable’ is a nice word, but who feels it, and what does it mean  exactly? ‘Palpable’ means you can feel something, so the entire sentence means:

it is felt that going to school early can be felt, pleasantly.

Leave out the very awkward passive.  Who feels? It’s an opinion essay! Give YOUR opinion, and give examples from your experience! We don’t need to know in 40% of the sentences whether other people feel/think/believe/argue/consider/say/support – it’s YOUR opinion essay.

Here are some possible rewrites for the topic sentence in Paragraph Two:

  • There are many advantages of going to school early   OR
  • For me, I couldn’t wait to go to school   OR
  • I was very happy to start school early    OR
  • I was very lucky to be able to start school when I was only 4  OR
  • Starting school early has many advantages.

Task 1 can often offer you a chance to use passives to report or describe objectively. But Task 2 is your opinion! Don’t be afraid to give it!

Pronouns: 'One' is dead. Only the Queen uses it anymore.

Who is ‘one’ in these sentences?

Firstly, a child advances one’s emotional and intellectual development. Even if one may face more difficulties and failures, the experience gained could help grow mature and sensible.

The pronoun ‘one’ in these sentences has two references. Very confusing! One is far too formal. Only the Queen uses it.

Don’t try to be complicated and fancy -  just tell us your opinion about early school and give some examples from your experience. Where is the writer? Where is ChrisLuke921221?

Here’s your second paragraph:

It is felt that the advantages of early admission to school are pleasantly palpable. Firstly, a child advances one’s emotional and intellectual development. Even if one may face more difficulties and failures, the experience gained could help grow mature and sensible.  Further, early education does not [just] offer the students the knowledge and social experience, but also alleviate the parents’ burden. For instance, the parents can allocate more time to their work and private life. Thus, it is apparent that the students who accept early education bear more advantages.

Here’s my rewrite. I’ve kept the same ideas, but made them into three points, not two, and each has an example or a supporting sentence. There are no passives and the sentences are shorter. Your final sentence is just padding!

Starting school early has many advantages. First, it can really help the child’s emotional development.  Children at school meet new people and make new friends. Away from their family, they learn to be responsible and independent. Secondly, an early start also helps the child to grow academically and intellectually. Good schools offer many new experiences and can be more stimulating than many home environments. Finally, it’s easier for parents if children can start school early. They can do more work, have more leisure time, and be less tired when their children come back from school.(95 words, 8 sentences, 11.5 words per sentence, zero passives)

ChrisLuke -  I know you are a capable writer, so I’m going to challenge you to throw away these passives and crutches and just write.  How about a complete rewrite of Paragraph 3 and the conclusion? 

Attachments
June 12, 2012
10:01 am
Member
Forum Posts: 35
Member Since:
June 4, 2012
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5   Post ID 1341
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Dear Writefix,

Thank you so much for commenting my essay and this is absolutely a wake-up call for me , i am kinda speechless to express how grateful am i ….lol…..i rewrite the whole essay and please continue to criticize my essay……

 

Some argue that the parents should send their children to school at a young age while others disagree. In this essay, I will examine the arguments for and against the children entering school early.

Starting school early has many advantages. First, it can really help the children’s emotional development.  Children at school meet new people and make new friends. Away from their family, they learn to be responsible and independent. Secondly, an early start also helps the child to grow academically and intellectually. Good schools offer many new experiences and can be more stimulating than many home environments. Finally, it’s easier for parents if children can start school early. They can do more work, have more leisure time, and be less tired when their children come back from school.

However, there are some disadvantages of going to school early.  First of all, the surrounding environment can give children the bad influence. Because the children are curious about anything new and they like to imitate the behavior of adults and others. Another point is they get frustrated easily and feel insecure in the classroom. The younger children find difficult to keep abreast of what is taught and slower to absorb compared to their old peers.  Lastly,it is even more challenging to teach the children for teachers.  Early schoolgoers sometimes do the opposite of what is asked and have rapid mood swings. As a result, it is not a good idea to have early entry into school.

To summarize, there are plenty of good reasons for and against starting an early schooling. However, I feel strongly that the parents should not send their children to school too early. because they are too young to solve the problem independently.

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