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Should retirement at 65 be compulsory?
  Topic ID 17
October 25, 2011
5:35 pm
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Forum Posts: 42
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October 21, 2011
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1   Post ID 53
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Our parents, we should be delicate with them after they complete their responsibility towards their children. They are already become tired and exhausted. They are in need for some rest and quite .Retirement is required for them and they are in need to it .But I think we can not push them unvoluntary for retirement if they refuse this . I'm going to say this point in my essay and why I disagree with compulsory retirement ?

First of all, at 65 years of age parents are weak and sensitive exactly as children. We can not injure them simply like this . We should allow them to choice, if they require to continue working, then it may be for few hours in a certain job position as a consultant or any other type of work, which require professional  experience,  with less effort and reduced time . In this way, we can sum between all the advantage of keeping them happy.Where, they will feel that  thay are of certain importance socially and become busy for some hours.

From anther point of view, the employer may need fresh graduats as they are more energetics, have recent knowledge, Well developed technology, and up–to-date informations .The most important factor is that thay are cheaper.That will leads to more efficient development of his company to score his targets.So that the employer prefer youth rather than eldery people of 65 years, to be his employee, except in the highly specific job positions, he may need some highly experienced skilled employers but, in fewer number.

In case of my point of view, I prefer for them to retire at 65 years of age but, it should be voluntary. We can not inforce them to it. I prefer  them to take some rest. to be free from their responsibilities and their problems. They have the chance to live some time on  their own and to travel for tour to see new places, new people, new countries and different cultures.

In the last, retirement should be voluntary but not compulsory.

October 26, 2011
1:40 am
pakistan
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October 18, 2011
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2  Post ID 54
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every creature has its own naturally designed life cycle which consists of different phases and has an end. It is also with the human being ,they have the stages and one important stage is the end of youth and start of oldness. I believe to certain extent that retirement should be compulsory at the age of 65 years. I will present my arguments by comparing its pros and cons.

To begin with, people cross this age block the creativity and change.for instance the science has proved that people loss memory and are more vulnerable to diseases and other health issues.to say more, often these employees can not work efficiently and follow their old style work methods.

after that, these persons are burden on economy . for example an officer holding the position of Senior manager takes high salary, bonuses ,allowances and other more holidays. he earns twice the salary of the primary level management officer. therefore if he is given retirement the firm can hire two persons or more in that range.

However ,some experts believe that old is gold. they argue it by referring to the experience , skills and the relationship built my them.for example a salesperson who has worked for more than two decades have more contacts, clients and has built trust among the stake holders than his junior.he has already learnt from the mistakes and is in a better position to make good decision.

In the conclusion , it is recommended that the workers should be evaluated on the basis of adding value to the firm. seniors above this age may be given the status of visiting employees and encouraged in some decision making but the change must be made by adding new employees by retiring the over age workers.

October 26, 2011
4:40 pm
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October 26, 2011
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3  Post ID 55
1

Retiring at the age of 65 has been a widely accepted rule in many nations around the world. Some office workers have been expecting the moment for several years, even longer time in order to fully enjoy their life free of work. While, others may feel frustrated, especially fear of leading a life, with abundant time but knowing little about how to cope with it. Taking both situations into consideration, I strongly believe the mandatory policy, compelling people to retire at the age of 65, is supposed to be abolished.

 

People are generally not used to a sudden retirement. Having been continuously worked for decades, it is hard to adjust oneself to a completely new living environment. It is an undeniable that most of the time, the retired will try to spend more time staying with their family, fostering new hobbies, talking to old friends. Even though these activities help them get over the initiated discomfit, they cannot essentially get all the retired recovered from the depression of boring meaningless life. More importantly, scientific research provides evidence that the retired are more likely to get older physically and psychologically, compared with their working counterparts. Therefore, keeping at working at an older age is a healthier lifestyle for most people.

 

Additionally, the aged people still have the energy to contribute to our society. They have cumulated mounts of experience in their working fields. Both the fresh worker and the companies will benefit from the elderly workers if they carry on their work together with the young workers. On the other hand, many nations are experiencing a aging problem. Providing an optional working opportunity may attract many old people to insist in their job for another several years. This certainly will relieve the emergent problem, lacking of working force, faced by many authorities.

In conclusion, a compulsory retirement seems to be not the best option for both individuals and the whole society. A more flexible mechanism which provides the old people with an chance to better enjoy their retirement life may seems to be more appropriate.

October 27, 2011
6:31 am
writefix
Guest
4   Post ID 57
1

Thanks Alia and Zakir and welcome IELTSER!

 

I'm going to look at three thesis sentences:

 

Alia: I'm going to say this point in my essay and why I disagree with compulsory retirement ?

Zakir: I believe to certain extent that retirement should be compulsory at the age of 65 years. I will present my arguments by comparing its pros and cons.

IELTSER: Taking both situations into consideration, I strongly believe the mandatory policy, compelling people to retire at the age of 65, is supposed to be abolished.


Don't try to be too academic in your thesis sentence. Instead, just say what you want to say. There's no need to add words just because they sound academic. Instead, give your opinion directly and say what you are going to do.

So the three examples above could be rewritten as:

  1. I'm going to say why I disagree with compulsory retirement.
  2. I will explain why I believe that retirement should be compulsory at 65.
  3. I strongly believe that we should abolish the policy of mandatory retirement at 65.

Many of the other words don't add anything. Have a look at http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu…..oncise.htm:

 

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.

— William Strunk Jr.
in Elements of Style

'Tell' here means to be important, to carry information or weight, to mean something.

 

So for example

at the age of 65

is the same as 

at 65

Help each other!

There are some very good ideas in these three essays. You should be able to advise each other on organization, vocabulary or grammar. Give it a try!

October 27, 2011
6:47 am
writefix
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5   Post ID 58
0

Hello IELTSER

 

Some excellent ideas, fully developed.

Just a couple of small points about commas:

Paragraph 1: you made a very interesting point:

While, others may feel frustrated, especially fear of leading a life, with abundant time but knowing little about how to cope with it.

I might change this slightly to:

Others, however, may feel frustrated or fearful about leading a life with abundant time but not knowing how to cope with it.   or

Others, however, may feel frustrated or fearful about not knowing how to cope with a life filled with abundant time.   or

Others may feel fearful about a life filled with abundant time but with little knowledge of how to cope with it.

 

Some vocab issues: what else could you change the word 'insist' in your last paragraph to? You have some other unusual words: discomfit, initiated, mount, cumulated

…would simpler choices be better?

October 29, 2011
11:48 am
writefix
Guest
6   Post ID 62
0

Hi Alia and welcome back!

A couple of vocab points

  • In the last,= Finally
  • In case of my point of view, = in my opinion, / in my view, /I think
  • We can not inforce them to it = we cannot force them to retire
  • But I think we can not push them unvoluntary for retirement if they refuse this = we cannot make them retire involuntarily
Watch out for repeated subject (having two subjects in a sentence):

alia said:

Our parents, we should be delicate with them after they complete their responsibility towards their children. 

This could change this to "We should deal with our parents very gently after they complete…" 
 

Two sentences need a little work: 

alia said:

In this way, we can sum between all the advantage of keeping them happy. Where, they will feel that  thay are of certain importance socially and become busy for some hours.

I'm not sure what the first sentence means. How could you rewrite it more simply? The second one is not a sentence, but a fragment - a part of a sentence or with something missing. In this case, you could fix it easily by dropping the "Where" or by joining it to the previous sentence.

December 28, 2011
7:46 am
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Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
December 28, 2011
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7   Post ID 243
1

Most countries impose a labor rule that employees whether in private sectors or government offices are entitled to have their retirement once they reach 65 years old. Some people feel that this rule should be strictly enforce, however, other people think that it should be optional and they should be given a chance to decide for themselves. This essay will examine whether it should be obligatory to all workers who reached 65 years of age to refrain in working.

There are numerous reasons why some people find it necessary to strictly implement a rule for retirement age. The first reason is that according to research conducted by World Health Organization the lifespan of human being nowadays will range between 50 and 70 years old. It is highly advisable that those people that reached the retirement age should enjoy the rest of their life with their love ones. They should find time together with their family to enjoy the nature as well, by visiting exciting and fascinating wonders of nature such as tranquil and magnificent mountains, white-sand beaches and serene farms. Secondly, many old workers have very slow performance and hesitate to venture in innovation because they want to avoid risk and prefer to be conservative. Because of this, we should provide an avenue for young and dynamic people to contribute in the society by allowing them to assume the position that old workers are about to leave. Furthermore, most old workers have sickness like hypertension, diabetes, arthritis and other body pains that cause them to absent from their work and become inefficient. If those people are holding key positions and having health related problems, that will surely have detrimental effects to the society and economy.

On the other hand, some workers does not have family to share their remaining years and they opted to continue working rather than spending the rest of their life waiting for their final days sitting and eating inside their house. They want and very much willing to continue in contributing to the society because they find enjoyment on their career and they become more energetic doing the jobs that they are used to do. Another important point is that all people were affected by global economic crisis. Therefore, they need to continue working in order to support their family especially those who still have children that are still studying. Lastly, there are countries like Japan, Switzerland and Sweden who have more old citizens than young ones. If they will be forced to stop working once they reach their retirement age, it will totally impede the growth of economy.

In conclusion, I can find valid reasons for both arguments. However, I do not think that age should force old people to stop with their career. I firmly believe that we should give chance to old workers to choose whether they are willing to continue or to retire.

January 4, 2012
3:00 pm
writefix
Guest
8   Post ID 258
0

Hello Ausie_dream and welcome to Writefix. Hope your dream comes true!

 

Your essay is carefully written. Here are a few small points:

  1. this rule should be strictly enforce  –> this rule should be strictly enforced
     
  2. people that reached the retirement age should enjoy the rest of their life with their love ones –> people that have reached the retirement age should enjoy the rest of their life with their loved ones
     
  3. most old workers have sickness have sicknesses that cause them to absent from their work –> most old workers have sicknesses that cause them to be absent from their work
     
  4. detrimental effects to the society and economy –> detrimental effects on the society and economy.
     
  5. They want and very much willing to continue in contributing to the society –> They are very willing to continue in contributing to the society

 

Sentence Length

One thing I notice is that your sentences are very long – on average, over 24 words. (Enter your text into http://www.read-able.com).  You should aim for a more relaxed and easier-to-read style of about 12-14 words per sentence on average.

Use short sentences:

One way to do this is to have some very short sentences mixed with longer ones.

So your very long sentence:

On the other hand, some workers does not have family to share their remaining years and they opted to continue working rather than spending the rest of their life waiting for their final days sitting and eating inside their house. (1 sentence, 40 words)

…could have another shorter sentence before it:

Of course, not all older people want to stop working. Some do not have family to share their remaining years and opt to continue working rather than sit alone at home.  (31 words, two sentences. 15.5 words average per sentence).

Replace nouns with verbs or adjectives:

Another way is to reduce the number of nouns per sentence and replace them with verbs. This will make your sentence 'move' or become more dynamic and less static.

This sentence has six nouns and 23 words:

If those people are holding key positions and having health related problems, that will surely have detrimental effects to the society and economy.

One way to rewrite it in four nouns and 13 words might be

Having unhealthy or inactive people in key positions could weaken the economy and society.

Thanks for your essay and I hope you can comment on some other writers here!

January 7, 2012
1:44 pm
london
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Forum Posts: 10
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December 1, 2011
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9  Post ID 267
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  The common controversy prevailing now is whether to retire employee at 65 years or to increase their age limit. In my opinion, I recommend that compulsory retirement is good at age 65. There are many reasons to consider before coming to a reasoned conclusion.

  The most important reason is the decline in the workers' performance at older ages. People loose their efficiency in developing their skills and knowledge when they grow older. They might not be enthusiastic to update their knowledge. For instance, a surgeon aged 60+ cannot concentrate and finish surgeries as quicker and finer as they were young. This clearly implies that age factor hinders them from doing efficient jobs.

  Additionally, the highest position in the jobs are usually occupied by the experienced employees. So the younger population with advanced knowledge and skills, are not recognised and appreciated due to their unemployment. The newer generation are energetic and dynamic to perform the given task. This would help improving the quality and profit of the companies. Thus the compulsory retirement of older employees provides jobs for many talents young people.

  Finally, the last decades of a man's life is more delicate which must be spent peacefully. Old people indulging in loads of work can suffer from stress related illnesses like hypertension, stroke, heart diseases. Thus to keep themselves healthy, they can spend leisure time with their loved ones at home and enjoy travelling around with their family.

  Although there are reasons supporting retirement of old employees aged 65, few among them have fear of being isolated or neglected after their retirement. To overcome this, both private and government sectors must provide better pension allowances to care themselves.

January 9, 2012
3:11 pm
Peterborough, England
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Forum Posts: 1
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January 9, 2012
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10   Post ID 274
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Hi, I find your writing generally good and coherent, However, I will try to give you some comments, hopfully will improve it more. I'm not sure of your first sentence but I find " Nowadays, there is an increased debate going on about the best age of retirement", better.

Secondly, may be instead of writing" the highest position in the jobs …."  better to say  " the senior employees' positions are usually occupied by older candidates". Also in the 3rd paragraph : " the last decades of a man's life is more delicate" it should be are as the subject is plural "decades" and may be without "a" in front of man. I'm not sure if "the last years of human life" sound more right? or " Humans in their last few years are usually more fragile and easily exhausted"  and ( they can spend most of their time in liesure … Lastly, the last sentence ( provide more pension allowances to care for themselves).

Apart from these your writing is good and hopfully you will get the score you need.

All the best

Sahar

January 16, 2012
10:19 am
london
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Forum Posts: 10
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December 1, 2011
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11  Post ID 307
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Hi.. Thanks for your comment. Its nice that you have pointed my mistakes.. I will make sure I will correct all those.. Dont hesitate to comment my other essays too.. 

January 28, 2012
2:33 pm
writefix
Guest
12  Post ID 313
0

Thanks Sahar

- some very good comments here!

Sara wrote:

The common controversy prevailing now is whether to retire employee at 65 years or to increase their age limit.

I think your suggestion is simpler and clearer:

Nowadays, there is an increased debate going on about the best age of retirement

The other comments (about agreement and about usage) are also spot on.

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