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Traditional house or modern apartments?
  Topic ID 12
October 21, 2011
1:53 am
Member
Forum Posts: 42
Member Since:
October 21, 2011
Offline
1  Post ID 36
0

Traditional house or modern apartment , all the time I ask myself – if I have to choice -which of them I will prefare ? .

both of them has some advantages and some disadvantages , which we will illustrat in the following sentences .

according to our fast rate day to day activities . and women now work autside doors , that will consume her time and energy , let her almost tired , have no enough time for housework . even food she takes fast food or pre-prepared meals .

to dedicat her time for work and herself . this lifestyle imply on her to live in modern apartment which is small , easy to clean and arrange , with few rooms ,  require little effort through the day .

but she may be controled from her neighbours certain noice , loud , uncomfortable attitude from this or that .                all of this may put her under stressful conditions .

while when you live in a traditional house , realy it has a huge area and so many rooms which require more effort and  time to clean and arrange . Nevertheless , still it has its own merit , individuality , freedum ,

whenever you want to play music , to have a party , your children loud  or if you have a noicy apparatus to repare some thing  you will feel free as no one will complain or shout due to this situation .

You will have your back yard where you can walk early morning , you will have your pet to live and walk around .

You will have flowers , trees , a wide area of fresh green plants to allow fresh air every morning .

No disturbance , no loud , no one follow you or look at you . you will feel more comfortable .

Eventhough , it is far from my workplace , but still I feel happy there .

For all this points I would like to possess and live in a traditional house rather than a modern apartment even if it has

all this advantages .

October 22, 2011
5:52 am
writefix
Guest
2  Post ID 38
0

 

Hello Alia and welcome to Writefix!

 

Thanks for your essay. The first thing I would suggest is to have four paragraphs only.

Paragraph 1: Rewrite the question in different words, describe the situation or problem, and say what you will do in your essay. Make sure every sentence and phrase is related to the topic. For example, instead of

alia said:

 

both of them has some advantages and some disadvantages , which we will illustrat in the following sentences

 

you could say:

Although traditional houses are more suited to the climate and quite comfortable, they can be harder to maintain and take up a lot of space. In this essay I will explain why I would prefer living in modern buildings.

Paragraph 2: Start with a topic sentence.

Modern apartments have several benefits for women.

First, ……   Second, …. Third. However they also have disadvantages.

Paragraph 3: Start with a topic sentence.

In contrast, living in a house is better for several reasons. First, …..   Another point is that….   Finally. 

Paragraph 4: Conclusion: Summarize again, using different words if possible and give your idea or opinion again.

 

I like your sentence

alia said:.

 

Eventhough , it is far from my workplace , but still I feel happy there .

 

I would just change it a little:

Even though it is far from my workplace, I am happy to live there because of its X, Y and Z

A couple more minor points:

  • In English don't leave a space before full stops or commas – put the space AFTER only. And just use one space!
  • Perhaps you could try to use fewer commas -  see how it works for you!
  • Make sure you use full sentences: these are fragments

require little effort through the day .

No disturbance , no loud ,

You could change them to:

Living in a small apartment requires very little effort. The rooms are small, so they are easy to clean….

Houses are quiet. There is no disturbance and there are no loud noises to annoy you.

Thanks again!

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