Thank you for your compliment. I will try that but keep watching me, maybe I'll make mistakes.

Thank you,

thank you so much for your help. I rarely see someone who help others without any expectations.

I would be really happy if I could make some comments on the other people writings. But as you can see from my writings, It is full of mistakes. Therefore I think I am not quilified to do this. I afraid maybe make some wrong comments. Anyway I will try this but please give me some times to improve my writings first and after that I will do this for sure. Because I owe this website.

Thanks,

Thanks for your essay Pedram. Brian said you should add it as a new topic - but I don't mind it being in the same topic as an earlier essay if it's on exactly the same subject. In fact, it can make it easier to compare.  So no worries.

Intro

In your intro, you wrote:

Getting more money from foreigner than normal is a subject that makes a great disagreement between people. Some people think this is unfair. However, other people think tourist has to pay more because they want to use local facilities.

I absolutely agree with Brian about your first sentence. Don't try to make every first sentence into 'a debate' or 'hotly contested' or 'controversial issue' or a 'matter for discussion.'  These phrases are overused, and very tired.  You can see more examples of tired old phrases and generic sentences here and here. Try to avoid using these phrases!

Here’s one possible rewrite which avoids this problem and which avoids the unclear pronoun reference ‘they’

Some people think this it is unfair to charge foreigners more to visit tourist attractions. However, other people think this is perfectly justifed. In this essay….

I like your short and simple thesis sentence. Good - but I really don’t like this completely unnecessary sentence in Para 2:

Tourist is called to someone who wants to travel to other country for special reason such as going to historical places or for spending leisure time there

I think we can reasonably expect most IELTS examiners to know what a tourist is. You only have 250 words – get to the point.

Articles/Plurals

• The more tourist, the more income for country.  → The more tourists, the more income for the/a country.  OR The more tourism, the more income for the country. 
• In my opinion, there is big difference between local people and tourists. → there is a big difference between local people and tourists. 
• the country also have to spend great amount of money → also has to spend a great amount of money

Missing Subject

You wrote:

 In order to reach to his or her goals, has to spend a lot of money.  

Who? The subject is missing. This could be rewritten as:

Tourists have to spend a lot of money.

Why? And who says so?  This idea (if you are going to include it) needs supporting.  Should tourism only be for the rich?  Fine, if you think so, but you need to support every idea you put forward in Task 2.  Brian is correct on this point -  support support support your statements.

You wrote:

Obviously when someone wants to use from its possession, has to pay less.

Who? The subject is missing. Notice that both sentences used commas wrongly. If in doubt, leave them out.

Let’s try to make this puzzling sentence clearer by adding an example.

Obviously locals should pay less to see important parts of their heritage. Egyptians should pay less than Indians to visit the Pyramids, Indians less than Nepalis to see the Taj Mahal, and Americans less than Chinese to enjoy Disney World.

(I’m joking here, but you still need examples.)

Agreement

• The destination country can gain a lot of money from tourism industry and also have to spend great amount of money to provide a good ambience to attract tourists. →The destination country can gain a lot of money from tourism but also has to spend great amount to provide a good ambience for tourists.

Ideas 1: Unsupported

You wrote:

Therefore the main goal of attraction of tourist is to get money from them. →
The main reason for attracting tourists is to make money from them.

Really? That’s a little mercenary, isn’t it? What about hospitality? What about the exchange of cultures, travel broadening the mind, harmony among nations, and world peace.  Only 'show me the money'?  Again, this is a perfectly valid idea, but it needs support.  (Are you planning to become either the best - or worst  - tourism minister in the world?)

Ideas 2: Generalizations

You wrote:

Secondly, consider a historical place. It is the local people history and it is for their ancestor.  → 
Many tourist attractions are part of the history of a country, and as such belong to their local people.

This idea is fine, but a little general. What about historical places such as Auschwitz, or Robben Island, or the Berlin Wall, or Uluru (Ayers Rock)? Are these world places or historical attractions for only one group in the country? What if I am a Sri Lankan Australian or Greek Australian -  would Uluru be part of my history or belong to my ancestors?

Have a look at the official IELTS descriptors for Task 2 Writing here, under Task Response and 'generalizations' or 'unsupported ideas.'

Pronoun Reference

In my opinion, there is big difference between local people and tourists, due to this is their own country. 

Who does ‘their’ refer to? Let’s break it into two sentences:

There is big difference between local people and tourists. Locals have to pay taxes, and they have to deal with all the disadvantages of tourism.  Tourists, on the other hand, only visit a place for a few days, and demand special treatment. In my opinion, this justifies slightly higher prices for foreign visitors.

• The destination country can gain a lot of money from tourism industry and also have to spend great amount of money to provide a good ambience to attract tourists.  →  The destination country can gain a lot of money from tourism but also has to spend a great amount  to provide a good ambience to attract tourists. 

Conclusion

In your conclusion, have three sentences, not one. Brian is right (again!) to suggest breaking up the single long sentence.

 Have one summarizing one side. Have a second sentence summarizing the other side. Have a third sentence giving your opinion.  You can also look to the future in this final sentence, or have a fourth one. Don’t try to summarize everything in one sentence.

Brian suggested joining your second and third paragraphs.  Yes and no -  it depends. If your ideas are very short (e.g .paragraph four), then yes.  I would suggest EITHER a 35553 layout, or a 3773 layout. You should have six ideas and examples (3773 layout ), or else three ideas with very full development (35553). You can find more about 3773 and 35553 layout here.

Finally, I liked Brian’s rewrite of your Para 3:

Overall, Pedram, you just need to support your ideas fully. I would suggest following a more standard layout for a while, until you feel free to depart from it.  Watch for missing subject and problems with articles (although this essay was much better in that regard).  

I hope you can hellp some other users out here, as Rose and Brian have done! Every little helps!  There'san essay here from N_Sunuwar and she is really looking for some feedback.

Thank you so much for your long commetns and suggestion and I really appreciate it as I know it takes you a long time to write it.

I really have a serious problem with verb/subject agreement and it get worse specially when I have to write in just 40 minutes. But I will improve my writings with your helps. Be sure I will use your suggestion in my next essay.

Best wishes,

i like your essay, good vocab and grammar.

in my opinion, your essay should be more well balanced in the body part.

these two paragraph should be more equal in length to make your writing better.

best wishes,

Overall, I think what you need to work more on it is to support your ideas with more reasons. In the first and second paragraph you should back up your ideas strongly. While it is quite clear that you benefit from various ideas, occasionally you cannot convey your meaning clearly. Then some of your ideas still a bit vague. I think to solve that you require to break your sentences in two or more. For example:

The destination country can gain a lot of money from tourism industry and also have to spend great amount of money to provide a good ambience to attract tourists

The destination countries can receive huge money from the tourism industry. This helps them to invest this money in providing a great condition to attract more tourists.

Also it is seen that you do not consider verb/subject agreements.

Those two major problems I have found in your essay.I hope Mr.Enda helps us in places where I made mistakes and also for putting complementary comments. ( it took more than 1 and half hour to write it)

Best regards,

You wrote:

Getting more money from foreigner than normal is a subject that makes a great disagreement between people. Some people think this is unfair. However, other people think tourist has to pay more because they want to use local facilities. In this essay, I will discuss shortly why foreigner has to pay more rather than domestic people.

Generic sentence:

As Mr.Enda   tells us do not use Generic sentences.(makes a great disagreement between people).

Article and subject/ verb agreement:

If you want to write in general use plural nouns instead of single noun.

Other people think tourists have to pay more ..

Why foreigners have to..

Word choice:

normal/ domestic people : local or regional people

First paragraph:

Tourist is called to someone who wants to travel to other country for special reason such as going to historical places or for spending leisure time there. In order to reach to his or her goals, has to spend a lot of money. The destination country can gain a lot of money from tourism industry and also have to spend great amount of money to provide a good ambience to attract tourists. The more investment, the more tourist travel to country. The more tourist, the more income for country. Therefore the main goal of attraction of tourist is to get money from them.

Structure:

Where is the subject in this sentence :

In order to reach to his or her goals, has to spend a lot of money.

In order to achieve their goals, they have to spend a lot of money on travelling.

Verb/Subject agreement again:

The destination country can gain a lot of money from tourism industry and also have to spend great amount of money to provide a good ambience to attract tourists

The destination countries can gain …

Word   and structure repetition:

A lot of money… : Try to use a variety of  vocabularies and structures:

Huge money..

The more investment, the more tourist travel to country. The more tourist, the more income for country.

The more investments governments make, the more likely tourists travel to country.

The more tourists travel to, the more income countries receive.

Punctuation:

Therefore the main goal of attraction of tourist is to get money from them.

Therefore, the main goal of tourist attracting is to earning good money.

I think the second and the third paragraph that you have separated are considered one paragraph. Here is the second paragraph:

In my opinion, there is big difference between local people and tourists, due to this is their own country. First, these people are paying taxes to have a better condition but tourist just wants to use facilities for few days. Therefore they have to pay more.

Secondly, consider a historical place. It is the local people history and it is for their ancestor. Obviously when someone wants to use from its possession, has to pay less.

Article: there is a big difference..

tourist just wants to use facilities for few days. Therefore they have to pay more.

Tourists

Word choice:(rewriting)

In my opinion, there is a big difference between local people and other tourists. Firstly, the destination country is the homeland of regional people. They pay taxes to have better access to facilities such as museums and historical attractions. Instead, foreign tourists do not pay those taxes. Secondly, due to the fact that monuments are considered national assets and belong to the local people, they should pay less than other tourists.

Conclusion:

In conclusion, tourists have to pay more than local people because it is the philosophy of tourism which is spending money to visit new places and use facilities of their destination.

In conclusion, I think that it is rational that foreigners pay more than native people. Because I guess it is such a nature of tourism that tends to make more profits.

Tourist is called to someone who wants to travel to other country for special reason such as going to historical places or for spending leisure time there. In order to reach to his or her goals, has to spend a lot of money. The destination country can gain a lot of money from tourism industry and also have to spend great amount of money to provide a good ambience to attract tourists. The more investment, the more tourist travel to country. The more tourist, the more income for country. Therefore the main goal of attraction of tourist is to get money from them.

In my opinion, there is big difference between local people and tourists, due to this is their own country. First, these people are paying taxes to have a better condition but tourist just wants to use facilities for few days. Therefore they have to pay more.

Secondly, consider a historical place. It is the local people history and it is for their ancestor. Obviously when someone wants to use from its possession, has to pay less.

In conclusion, tourists have to pay more than local people because it is the philosophy of tourism which is spending money to visit new places and use facilities of their destination.

Thanks for your reply and suggestions.

I am going to take the IELTS test on 9th June. Yesterday I spent about 50 minutes to write this essay on my peper, then another 30 mins to type it into Mircosoft Word. I modified my essay when I moved it, and changed some sentences during this stage.

I found that the materials on this website are very useful, and I spent one day to read them before I started to write. So if you are preparing for the IELTS too, I suggest you can do some reading first. It is really helpful!

After all, I am glad to share my experiences and works here, and happy to improve with you guys together. See you guys around here :)

Cheers

 YOUR ESSAY IS REALLY GOOD. THANKS FOR POSTING. ITS LOOKS VERY CLEAR. YOUR VOCABULARY AND COHESION IS GOOD.

No, you’ve done fine -  you are welcome to post. I hope you can have a look at some of the essays here -  if you see one that no one has commented on, perhaps you can write a few suggestions. It doesn’t have to be long or very detailed!

Brian is absolutely right. Your essay is very easy to read. There are some errors in word form or word choice, but the way you organize and develop your ideas is excellent. If you could have developed the third paragraph so that it even looked approximately the same length as your second paragraph, that would be good.

There’s an school of thought that says that if you agree with an opinion, you should use the this structure:

• Intro
• Why some people may disagree
• Why I agree
• Conclusion  

You used a slightly different layout. How you made it work was that you wrote very good sentences which gave both sides, like this:

… but they forget tourism is a long term business and reputation is one of the most essential foundations

You have some great markers (what IELTS calls cohesive devices) and you use them well. I don't know why so many candidates are reluctant to use 'First,' 'another point is that, 'lastly,' 'furthermore' etc -  you've used them very well. It's easy for the reader to remember the points.