Well the body paragraphs are definitely more important than the intro or conclusion. Some people write very long introductions, and that's not a good idea. Your intro is nice and short, and you get to the point quickly.

Here's what examiners read when they have a batch of essays: they read the intro, and they particularly read the thesis sentence. If the intro is grammatically correct and makes sense, they hurry down and read the topic sentence for the next paragraph.

Don't be shocked, but they don't read every word in sequence! They are human and have strategies! They read and re-read certain parts to see if they match the criteria in the descriptors. So a good intro is important, along with the topic sentences for the body paragraphs.

So if I were to advise you to focus on four sentences, they would be the first and last sentences in the intro, and the two topic sentences (if you are using a 3773 layout)

When are you doing the exam next?

Thanks a lot for your suggestions. This gave me more hopes to achieve band 7 in writing in the next two weeks.

For my introduction and conclusion, I tried to follow the same pattern so I can spend more time on the body paragraphs because I heard from one Ielts teacher that those body paragraphs are the key for getting high band score. Do you think it is a good strategy?

Thanks for this essay -  it's clear, simply organized, and has a lot of error-free sentences. Well done.

You have 297 words in this essay, which is fine, and and average sentence length of 15.6 which is OK, or just a little high. Adding one or two short sentences would reduce this.

The most work needed is in the Introduction: 

Word Choice/Usage

• This can lead to serious consequences to the society. → This can lead to serious consequences for the society.
• advertising can have several negative effects to the societies. → advertising can have several negative effects on the societies.

Vague: Specifiy!

• it can bring several benefits to consumers as well as to the local countries → It can bring several benefits to consumers and to businesses/the economy/

This sentence is also vague

Its emergence in today’s world does more harm than good in social life.

Has it emerged? It’s been around for hundreds and hundreds of years, if not longer. And is advertising in social life? Maybe this sentence could be rewritten as a more useful thesis sentence to tell the reader what is coming in your essay

Although it can help consumers, companies, and countries, advertising is often annoying, inaccurate, and a waste of time.

This sentence uses all the ideas in your essay, although not in the exact same order.

Paragraphs Two and Three are good. You have many error-free sentences and you have supported your ideas. Your conclusion also is not very exciting, but it’s fine. Well done.

Advertising is playing an important role in modern societies. While it is true that it can bring several benefits to consumers as well as to the local countries, I firmly believe that its emergence in today’s world does more harm than good in social life.

There are some positive aspects of advertising in modern life. Firstly, consumers will have more opportunities to access to product information before deciding to purchase. This can improve the possibilities of making the right decision and lead to customer satisfaction. In addition, advertising can also enhance the economy of the local countries. By promoting products and services internationally, some advertisers will attract overseas customers to their local market. Therefore, this can also create chances for the countries to introduce their image to foreign tourists.

However, advertising also have many negative influences on human’s life. First of all, many advertisers are trying to use misleading information in order to sell their products to customers. This can lead to serious consequences to the society. For instance, false advertising of medicines or nutritional supplements can be highly dangerous to consumer’s health. Furthermore, advertisements are one of the main distractions in working life. While searching for information on the internet, employees may easily see pop-up advertisements in some web pages. As a result, their productivity at work will be reduced. In addition, many advertisers are also trying to include their advertisements in the middle of a movie to attract more customers. This may cause annoyance to many people since their favourite programmes have to stop in the middle.

All in all, it seems to me that advertising can have several negative effects to the societies. Although advertising is necessary in modern life with several benefits, it can distract many people from concentrating on their work.