Compare modern shopping centers to local markets and shops.

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Compare modern shopping centers to local markets and shops.

Topic Rating: 5 (1 votes)

Tags: shopping malls small shops consumerism lifestyle shopping center convenience cars transport brands globalization

August 21, 2012
2:57 am

rshdwork

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Compare modern shopping centers to local markets and shops. What way of shopping has more advantages for the people and the society?

In recent years shopping malls are getting more popular in urban lifestyle. In some ways shopping centers are similar to traditional local markets and shops, but people usually prefer shopping centers for reasons such as their modern atmosphere, product diversity and shopping convenient.

A shopping mall is literally constructed in a fix location which may include many facilities such as multi-storey car park, cinema or restaurant. Similarly, traditional markets and shops are set up in specific locations but usually at a very smaller size comparing to malls. Either being in a immense shopping mall or in a small local market behind the street, the retailers try hard to keep their costumers by offering quality products and right behavior. Retailers at both models usually buy similar products from a same wholesaler so there is likely no price difference to the end costumer. The working hours are also quite the same; On weekends they may extend the open hours if they get permission from corresponding administrations.

But when it comes to modern atmosphere, traditional markets in no way are comparable to malls: In a mall you spend many hours without being bored; If you want a particular product, there you can find a lot of choices to buy. If you get tired of shopping, you can either take a rest in a nice coffee shop or even you can go to the game club at the same building. You can always take you car to the shopping; there would be always a reliable car park where you can leave you car for as many hours as you want. A typical example of this shopping malls is Times Square, which is located in Malaysia. In Times Square at each floor you can find a variety of stores in way that you might forget what you were looking for.

Shopping centers are an indispensable part of modern urbanization. They are designed in a way to contribute in city management by providing facilities such as internal car park. Therefore, I think shopping malls will gradually replace traditional local markets because of their social advantages.

August 21, 2012
3:06 am

rshdwork

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Compare modern shopping centers to local markets and shops. What way of shopping has more advantages for the people and the society?

That was the essay question in the recent exam in Malaysia. I wonder how I would be able to write this comparison in a real exam.

Spent more than 40 minutes here to write this.

Look at the topic, it says you need to compare shopping centers with local markets (from one hand) and shops (from the other hand) and also bring some advantages point for one of them. I can not see why the examiner put the local markets and shops at one side and shopping malls at the other side. In my opinion shopping malls are different from local markets and are different from shops at the corner of a street.

That's why I believe Ielts guru bring up philosophical essay topics.

Please give me your advices on writing hassle free comparison essays. Thank you all.

August 21, 2012
2:56 pm

writefix

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Hi Rshdwork and thanks for this essay. A big thanks also for all your hard work over the last few weeks and the comments on other essays!

Your essay structure is good. You’ve gone for this layout:

Intro
Similarities
Advantages of malls, or (maybe) ways in which malls are better
Conclusion

That’s fine as a method of organization, except that as a reader I had to work hard to find this out.

Make life easy for your reader

Here’s what I had to do. I read the intro. Fine, but at the end of it I have no idea what’s coming next.

So I read the first part of Paragraph Two. It seems we are going to read about malls. No - scratch that – it now seems we are going to read about locations.

The reader keeps reading. The sentences and ideas are OK, but we are still not sure where the essay is going.

So we come to a sentence about retailers trying hard whether they are in a local market or in a mall.

GOT IT!

Or have I?

So now I think this is a similarity and difference essay. So to check this, I stop reading Paragraph Two, and jump to the start of Paragraph Three. It says something about "modern atmosphere." I read on.

I like what I’m reading, BUT I am not sure if you have achieved what the question because I still don't know the structure of your essay, even though I am now in Paragraph Three,

Eventually I work it out. It's NOT a similarities/differences essay. It has one paragraph about the similarities and then one about all the good things about malls. Phew!

Once I work this out, I get to the conclusion, and I really like the ideas and sentences and examples.

But Rshdwork, why make the reader sweat so much? Help the poor reader!

I can understand you want to avoid very obvious topic sentences like these:

In this essay I will compare malls and local markets.
Malls have many advantages.
Modern malls and traditional markets have many similarities.

I’m glad you didn’t use sentences like this. (These sentences are fine by the way, just not very interesting. If you are not too sure about IELTS writing, or think that you are around a Band 5 or 5.5, go ahead and use them. They're fine.)

But if you can write excellent sentences like the ones in the rest of your essay, why not add interesting thesis and topic sentences?

Think of the Reader 2

Here’s something to think about. You have spent months, or even longerm getting ready for IELTS. The examiner wants to read and understand and mark your essay as quickly as possible. You will spend 40 minutes writing it in the exam: the examiner will spend only a few minutes reading it. The longer they spend, the more fed up they get.

Help them, mark it out, tick the boxes, make it easy. Add topic sentences, add thesis sentences. Thesis and topic sentences don’t have to be boring. You are able to write, so use your skills to write simple topic and thesis sentences.

Here are some you could use:

Although they look quite different, corner shops and mega malls are really quite similar.

Kuala Lumpur’s glittering Berjaya Times Square and its many crowded minimarkets and convenience stores are both important parts of the Malaysian economy.

This essay will explain why although local stores and markets have a lot in common, modern malls will inevitably play a larger part in consumer lifestyle in future.

Apart from having clearer topic and thesis sentences, I am happy with the essay. I would avoid the word ‘literally’ and I would leave out the word ‘social’ in the last sentence because it’s a new idea with no clear link to information to support it. Apart from that, well done.

August 22, 2012
1:35 am

cracktoefl

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Hi Rshdwork,

I am going to suggest you some good points which you can add in your essay.

comparison:

1) Shopping centers - all shops under one roof

local markets - you have to go from one shop to another (one building to another)

2) shopping centers- all brands are easily available

Local markets- rare to find all brands.

3) Shopping centers - have restaurants, cafeterias and other recreational facilities like theaters, discs, you can play games like billiards, etc.

Local Markets - meant for just shopping.

4) Shopping centers - can do window shopping as everything is on display

Local Markets - not possible as you have to tell what you are looking for

what you will prefer - shopping centers:

1) can shop easily under one roof and comfortable as fully air conditioned - e.g. In countries like India it is very hot so better to show in AC.

2) organized the shopping and given competition to grocery stores - which lead to reduction in prices and better services so customers are winner.

3) have all the facilities (mentioned above)

4) all brands available and easy to get information about discounts and decide where to buy as can compare prices easily - e.g. you can buy jeans from levis or lee by comparing prices and about upcoming discounts.

5) generated employment as hire on large scale salesman, etc

6) finally direct benefit to producers as reduced middlemen e.g. - In India farmers are getting benefit as middlemen reduced - they can directly sell goods to shopping centers like wall mart, reliance retail, etc.

I hope you find it useful :). Best of luck for your exam.

August 23, 2012
2:08 am

rshdwork

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Thank you Enda for your suggestions.

In fact I learned the importance of thesis sentence from your comments and

materials in this site waaaay before this essay. Actually the day before writing this,

I checked comments by an Ielts ex-examiner (http://ielts-simon.com/) who

suggested to keep ideas for the body paragraphs. But I think what you say is

more rational and makes more sense to give a road map to the readers before

we leave the introduction

part.

August 23, 2012
2:10 am

rshdwork

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Thank you cracktoefl for your nice ideas.

My exam is on 22nd Sep; Hope I'll get a the mark.

August 23, 2012
9:06 am

David Lee

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to keep ideas for the body paragraphs. But I think what you say is

more ration

Actually the day before writing this,

I checked comments by an Ielts ex-examiner (http://ielts-simon.com/) who

suggested al and makes more sense to give a road map to the readers before

we leave the introduction

part.

Hey, Vincent, actually, I did the same thing like u. of course, Simon's advices are useful, but I guess it used by thousands of people. Keep training and I guess will be fine, I hope I can be ur examiner and I must can give u a high score.

Hope u can achieve a high score on Sep 22, and my is on Sep 1. I m so worried about my exam, athough I have done some preparation.

Cheers,

David

August 24, 2012
2:19 pm

rshdwork

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David I hope you also get a good mark.

For writing exam, I guess you have tried your best.

In lexical resource you are strong, but you need to sum up

your knowledge of other syllabuses. Do not forget that examiners

assess your essay against a table thus you can navigate their mind

towards positive marks;

First do the task 2 because task one has 2 mark compared to 7 mark for task 2.

Next for the task 2, try to use a range of well-approved grammars so that you can

convince the examiner that you know the grammar; Passive, relative clause,

conditional, paired conjunction, verb tenses, modal, propositions, punctuation, collocation,

I can go on ... but it depends on your knowledge.

For coherence and cohesion, try to tailor your paragraph in way that it flows smoothly while

attracting no attention; Stay away from overindulgence because the examiner can detect it

easily.

For task response, first make sure you understood the question. Next try the strategy Enda

suggested in the other thread which intrigued me;

When you get the question, underline like crazy, highlight, draw arrows, draw circles, write related words, synonyms, opposites; change nouns into verbs and verbs into adjectives. Play for at least five minutes until you are sure of the question, and keep going back to it until you have a plan for each paragraph. Have examples for each idea.

Try to insert examples if they demanded; Notice that examples are a good place which you can

express your grammar abilities using past tenses, past perfect, conditional etc.

You can also apply a 6w pattern to generate ideas about the topic;

Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe that is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

You can generate ideas, however faked, while answering these questions:

- Why people think?

- What will be destroyed?

- Who will take benefit and who will make loss?

- What is affected and in what way?

- How is tradition affected in this way?

- Where tourists go and where do they come from?

- When the situation is getting deteriorated?

You see 6+1 W words help you generate ideas. Now you can eliminate those which

sound irrelevant to the topic. You know this is not a formula; try using your imagination as

well.

I also need to practice what I preach 🙂

Take care

Vincent

August 24, 2012
2:55 pm

David Lee

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Hey, Vincent,

Its really an eye-opener to me, espectically for the grammar part. My grammar is not good, coz I haven't study it in my whole life. It's true. That's why writing is a big problem to me.

Of coruse I know some of them now, but when I m writing it will cost my time to decide the grammar structure. Plz tell me where u learn these all grammar, I really need to improve all these grammar thing.

I m try to add more examples in my essay, and change my old structure, hope it will help me. The way I need to improve is much more longer than yours.

Thx a lot, cheers.

David

August 24, 2012
3:14 pm

rshdwork

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