Hello Alison and welcome to Writefix!

Thanks for this essay. Overall, the organization is clear. You have two paragraphs in your introduction, which is unusual. Paragraph 3 gives the benefits of control, Paragraph 4 looks at the need for freedom of expression, and Paragraph 5 is the conclusion, which summarizes your ideas.

Introduction

• join these two paragraphs together
• shorten the introduction
• give the two sides (for and against some control)
• get to the point more quickly by having a thesis sentence -  a sentence which says what you will discuss in the essay

Most people obey rules and laws and feel that the world would fall apart if people could do everything they wanted. Some liberals, however, claim that the public should be given the right to do anything. I think that is impossible. In this essay, I will explain why I believe we actually gain more freedom through restricting some freedom.

You have some problems in this essay with sentence structure. Some of your sentences are fragments and some are run-ons (sentences which should be separate). Here are some examples:

1. Freedom restricted, some citizen feel they are tied by the rules and laws.
2. But that is not to say, the issue is not correct.
3. Consider that Chinese cannot say anything they wish in this country for example, people sometimes are bothered with this. 
4. Since the government does this to prevent situation from falling into chaos.
5. To be specific, imaging A is eating, suddenly, B comes and grabs A’s food then throws away, could A be happy?

 Here are some possible rewrites:

1. Some citizens feel tied or trapped when certain freedoms are restricted.  OR   It is natural sometimes to be annoyed when some freedoms are limited.
2. But that is not to say that the government policy is incorrect.
3. Consider China. Sometimes people are bothered when they cannot say everything they want.
4. The government does this to prevent the situation from falling into chaos.
5. Imagine A is eating. Suddenly, B comes and grabs A's food and throws it away. Could A be happy?

Grammar, Vocab Points

There are some grammar and vocabulary points, especially in word form. Make sure you have the right form (noun, verb adjective, etc)

• People are all taught to in compliance with rules ==> People are all taught to comply with rules.
• The world would get messy if whatever they do are not illegal ==> The world would get messy if everybody started to act illegally (?)
• Only when there are no any others infringes a person’s right that his demand can be satisfied and he can be pleased ==> People are happy when others do not infringe their basic rights. 
• Rules and laws enable citizen to live in more comfortable. ==> Rules and laws enable citizens to live in comfort / to live more comfortably.
• People do not have to concern about getting hurt  ==> People do not have to be concerned about getting hurt
• The society do need the rules and laws as the cornerstone to ensure it work efficiently and effectively, and operate well.  ==> Society needs a solid basis of rules and laws to ensure it works efficiently. 

Some good ideas and organization and some very effective sentences. Please post again and feel free to comment on other essays here!

Hi Alison

Thanks for your very kind words! It's easy -  and fun - to help people who are interested and hardworking!

You are right - sometimes 'does' gives strength to a sentence. It's used when you want to emphasize the idea, particularly after a negative. For example:

• Technology doesn't solve all the world's problems, but it does make life easier.
• A society does not benefit from repression and harsh state control, but it does need a solid basis of rules and laws to ensure it works efficiently.
• Having age limits for movies does not prevent adults from viewing what they want, but it does help protect children.

do / does : emphatic use
We do not normally use do or does in affirmative sentences, but we can use them for emotive or contrastive emphasis when we feel strongly about something:

• She thinks he doesn't love her, but he does love her. He really does!
• You do look pretty in that new outfit! Quite stunning!
• Are you all right? You do look a bit pale. Do please sit down.
• I don't see very much of my old friends now, but I do still email them.
• Was that a joke? I do believe you're teasing me!

When we are using the auxiliaries do and does for contrastive or emotive emphasis like this, we give them extra stress in pronunciation to make them sound louder, longer or higher in tone. When you see these words in print used in this way, they will normally be in italics or bold type or in CAPITAL LETTERS. Practise saying the sentences above with extra word stress on do and does.