Hi Ramesh and thanks for this essay!

Introduction

Ramesh, where is your thesis sentence? I’ve read and re-read the introduction, but I still don’t have any idea what you are going to write about. Add a thesis sentence, however boring it may be.

This essay will… OR   In this essay I will examine/focus on/analyze/describe/outline/suggest….  

You can /?page_id=1889 here).

You could then have one paragraph about each of the three factors you describe in your current Paragraph Two. You could incorporate some of the ideas from the current Paragraph Three into these paragraphs.

So now your essay would be like this

1. Intro (with a thesis sentence)
2. Para 2: Personal Interest
3. Para 3: Payment
4. Para 4:Work Culture
5. Conclusion

Conclusion: Improve the links between sentences

Your conclusion seems OK, but I would try to add some links to improve coherence/cohesion between the sentences. At the moment there are three sentences which sound like statements and all use the verb “to be” (is productive, are several factors, is very natural), and the same structure.  

Generalizations and Articles

I'm not going to comment on grammar or word choice just yet, but have another look at articles (especially before the word 'job'! and watch for generalizations ("All people do job to make money for fulfilling their needs" -  not true, or "A job is the choice of majority of people"  -  again, not really a choice for most people - it's an unfortunate reality or necessity).

Just use 'some' or 'may' or 'can be' or 'possibly' or 'generally' or modals.

So if you have time to rewrite, try the suggestion of breaking it into five paras instead of four, fleshing out the three factors, and recycling some of the ideas from Para 3 in the new paras.

Hi Bindu

I was hoping someone else might get around to commenting, but here goes.  

If you have time, please write a few comments on other users. I know you have commented on Ramesh's essays and vice versa, but it's good to read a variety of styles. 

Thanks for this essay. Here are a few comments. I hope you find them helpful.

Introduction

The second sentence in your intro can be left out. It’s a standard tired phrase and adds nothing.  (You can see more examples of tired old phrases and generic sentences here and here. )

You wrote:

Most people spend a major part of their active life  at work, therefore job satisfaction is an important element of individual well being. Job satisfaction is always a controversial topic for many scholars. In this essay, I will outline the  various factors contributing to job satisfaction and about the reality level of satisfaction in many workers.

Alternatively, you could replace it with a more original sentence giving more information or background to the problem

Your thesis sentence needs to be more parallel (in this case, verb + object, verb +object)

In this essay, I will outline various factors contributing to job satisfaction and describe the real level of satisfaction of many workers.

Here’s another possible rewrite which tells readers exactly what they will read about in your essay (based on your three body paragraphs):

In this essay, I will outline how your level of interest in your job, your salary, and your working environment contribute to job satisfaction.

Paragraph 2

The topic sentence for paragraph two seems to refer to the entire essay, not just Paragraph Two. You wrote:

People can be satisfied in their work in many different ways

Try to have a “clear central topic” in each paragraph (Have a look at the official descriptors for IELTS Task 2 Writing (public version) here, under Coherence and Cohesion). A clear short topic sentence at the start of each body paragraph which summarizes the paragraph helps the reader. Your other topic sentences in Paras 3 and 4 are fine.

 Paragraph 3

Some problems with pronouns. See below.

Conclusion

It’s fine, but a little negative! Perhaps you could look on the bright side. It seems you are trying to do something you mentioned in the thesis. The conclusion is not the place, however, for new information.  I would change it a little so that is summarizes the  factors you mentioned in the three body paragraphs.

Verb Tense

• Firstly,if a person is working in his field of interest,he findhis job interesting →
  Firstly, if a person is working in his field of interest, he will find his job interesting.    OR
  Firstly, people who work in their field of interest find their jobs interesting.
    
• They became more satisfied when they get a chance to show their technical skills and abilities. →They will become more satisfied when they get a chance to show their technical skills and abilities.

Pronoun Reference

They became more satisfied when they get a chance to show their technical skills and abilities.

The previous sentence had ‘he.’ This sentence has ‘they.’  Be consistent with the subjects and pronoun reference of each sentence.  

The rest of the sentences in Paragraph Two have the same problem. They alternate between ‘he’ and ‘they.’

In Paragraph Three, you wrote:

Each of them should be satisfied with their needs in order to see the satisfaction in the worker's face.

Who is ‘them’?  Who will see the satisfaction?  Be very careful with the subject of each sentence.

Word Choice/Word Form/Usage

• when they feel they are doing something best of them  → when they feel they are doing their best
   
• No matter how high is their position in an organization , they cannot be satisfied if their incomes are not enough to run their life smoothly.  → No matter how high their position [is] in an organization, employeeswill be not be satisfied if their incomes are not enough to meet their needs.  OR
  Regardless of their position in an organization, employees cannot be satisfied if their incomes are inadequate.
   
• paying their children fees →paying their children’s fees
   
• fulfilling their life partner desires  →fulfilling their life partner’s desires
   
• taking care for their parents →taking care of their parents

Generalizations

You wrote:

Secondly, all people do job to make money for fulfilling their needs.

This is mostly true, but not all people work to make money. Some people love what they do, and the money is secondary. Some people volunteer. Others are forced to work but don’t get paid, and many people don't work at all. The reason is unimportant: to avoid a generalization, just be careful with words like ‘all’ or ‘inevitable’ or ‘every.’  Here, just use ‘most people’   Have a look at the official descriptors for IELTS Task 2 Writing (public version) here, under Task Response and the word ‘generalizations’ or

Secondly, most people work to make money.  (7 words)

Punctuation

You wrote:

People are more likely to be satisfied in jobs, where they work with passion in friendly way

The comma here is not needed. The final phrase is vital for meaning, so you don’t need to use a comma. If in doubt, leave commas out.

People are more likely to be satisfied in jobs where they can work with passion in a friendly atmosphere.

(Try to avoid ‘way’ and ‘thing’ and ‘stuff’ and other vague words.)

• After all enjoyment at work comes with satisfaction. →After all, enjoyment at work comes with satisfaction.

It’s better to have a comma in this sentence!

Another punctuation issue: make sure to have one space AFTER each full stop. 

Overall, the essay is not too bad. Check your pronoun reference, and don't worry about using standard, generic phrase -  you don't need them.  Your organization is generally good.