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(1 votes) 3:50 am
November 19, 2011
Offline
Some people say the government should not put money in the Arts, such as music,
opera and paintings, but instead should spend money on construction of public facilities.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The Arts have been playing an indispensable part of our lives as it brings people joy and cherish their creativity. While many people feel Government money spent on art is wasted and should be shifted to construction of public facilities, I hold the belief that the Government has a duty to make music, paintings, and other arts available for citizens.
To begin with, the Governments should give top priority to public services and facilities. More specifically, the authority plays a leading role among citizens in keeping social security and stablity. Simultaneously, public facilities such as schools, hospitals or transportation can meet the whole public’s basic demand of survival, security and knowledge, thus breeding a sense of contentment, which, even better, can lower the crime rate.
However, the necessity of injecting money to arts derives from its function and mental development. Firstly, arts nurture and trigger a sense of creativity in both artists and spectators. That is to say, appreciating a piece of music evokes audiences’ inner feelings, brings more flavors and the diversity to their soul, igniting eagerness and letting their imagination soar to new heights. Moreover, the fact that the world of art seems to be known no restrictions bestows upon artists a chance of going beyond barely facts of life to convey deeply hidden aspiration of human-being. Secondly, intangible cultural heritages like traditional music, calligraphy which represents the beauty of each country’s spiritual life and distinguishes one from another are on very brink of extinction. The will and funding, therefore, are in dire need if we want to revitalize these cultural essences and pass it to future generations.
Although Governments have many urgent demands on their budgets, they also are responsible for providing art for their citizens. What is in great of importance is that visionaries need to balance their needs carefully before spending large sums of money on arts.
6:17 pm
Hi Linh again!
Did you notice that in Paragraph 2-3 in your essay every sentence starts with a short phrase/marker?
- To begin with,
- More specifically,
- Simultaneously,
- However,
- Firstly,
- That is to say,
- Moreover,
- Secondly,
There's no need to do this every time! Use these cohesive devices (see the IELTS Writing Task 2 Band Descriptors) sparingly – maybe once or twice a paragraph! Think of them as salt – you don't want too much on your meal. Cohesion (the link between sentences) is often clear if the sentence is clear – you don't these connectors all the time.
One of your sentences is very flowery:
Moreover, the fact that the world of art seems to be known know no restrictions bestows upon artists a chance of going beyond barely-known facts of life to convey deeply hidden aspirations of human-being.
It might be stronger if it was a little simpler:
Artists allow us to go beyond our daily existence and get closer to our dreams and aspirations
2:46 pm
November 19, 2011
Offline
Hi Enda, thanks for your comment. I will try to use cohesive devices more carefully ^_^
3:20 pm
Firstly, you're welcome! Furthermore, it will really help!
I also wrote an eassy with a similar topic, but I have a different viewpoint.
Intro:
A growing number of people love to enjoy the beauty of the arts by going to gallery, listening opera and appreciating paintings. They maintain that the government should allocate a sum of budget to supporting the arts. However, others argue that health and education resources are limited so the money should be spent in these arrears. In my opinion, government funding is essential for promoting the arts, but it should be based on the premise that basic human needs have been met.
MB1:
Adequate medical service and education are essential for individuals and society. For one thing, the enjoyment of highest attainable standard of health care and education are two of the fundamental rights of every human being regardless of economic and social conditions. These rights generate an obligation or duty for the government to ensure that the good medical service and education are provided out of public purse. For another, these two services could also ensure that there are enough healthy and competent workers making contribution to society. Therefore, the government should prioritize these two significant fields.
MB2:
However, the government should not neglect the importance of the arts and should also invest in them. Firstly, the arts can help people to relieve stress. For example, listening to opera or appreciating famous paintings can ease people’s minds. In addition, not everyone can afford those famous paintings so the government should invest in museum. As a result, people could enjoy some valuable art works in the museum.
MB2': ( I wrote MB2 in other way. Which one is better?)
However, some people argue that the government should not neglect the importance of the arts. The arts can help people to relieve stress. For example, listening to opera or appreciating famous paintings can ease people’s minds. Nevertheless, they fail to take into account that public health and education are far more important than the arts. Without a healthy body, most people do not want to go to gallery of opera hall. Without proper education, people may find it hard to get a reasonable career so that they cannot have extra money to pay for beautiful paintings.
Conclution:
To conclude, the government could allocate the arts with the premise that basic requirements of health care and education have already been met. Consequently, the public can enjoy a better life.
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