Hi Ma-Frank

Thanks for your essay and the work you have done to analyze it.

It's very difficult to simplify it at the moment (I've just spent the last 30 minutes trying). It's very dense and very wordy. There are a lot of nouns so this stops the writing from moving.  Nouns or nominalizations slow down your sentences. Try to have fewer nouns in your sentences, or to replace them with adjectives or verbs.  

Instead of nouns let's use more verbs. Let's have a mix of short and long sentences. Let's use shorter words instead of longer ones. Let's have one central idea per paragraph. 

Here is my attempt at the essay. I've tried to follow your ideas, but I've left out the very complicated idea about advertisers not being involved in quality control for their clients. Somehow I think that's nit-picking or prevarication. 

Although advertising helps companies to sell products and services, it doesn’t always guarantee quality for consumers.  In this essay, I will explain why I believe that advertising exists mainly to make money for companies, regardless of the product quality.

The primary purpose of advertising is to sell products. Through it, companies connect with consumers and sell as many services and products as possible.  The more effective the advertisement, the higher the sales, so it is not surprising that companies compete for the consumer’s attention.

However, advertising also provides information for consumers. It can increase public awareness of health, nutrition and social issues.  As a result of competition, consumers can compare similar products or services and make better decisions. Tough regulations on advertising mean that untrue or exaggerated claims cannot be made for products. In some cases, consumers can supply feedback to advertisers to improve the quality of the product.

But it is important to remember that many purchases are not made rationally. Our choice of a product or service is heavily influenced by our emotions, and advertisers are expert at manipulating these. Our concerns over our appearance or social status are used by advertisers to sell products regardless of their actual quality or our need.

In conclusion, advertisers work with companies to produce ads that affect our behavior. We should take care to separate fact from fiction when watching ads. As consumers, we need check the quality of products for ourselves, rather than letting clever advertising do it for us.

The biggest difference between the two essays is in the number of complex words. Almost 30% of your essay is made of 'complex' words, but in my rewrite it's only 18.8%. Use shorter and simpler words (the word 'principal' is very difficult -  just say 'company' and 'effect' instead of 'affections', for example).

I've used a different layout, as well, so that it's easier to get the idea of each paragraph:

• intro: ads are not interested in quality 
• ads are just to make money
• ads can inform consumers
• consumers are not rational
• conclusion: we have to be careful 

If you cannot say your main idea in a couple of words, then it will be hard for your reader to understand it.

Here are our two essays - mine on the left, and yours on the right. 

Do you notice one weird difference? Your sentences are actually shorter on average than mine! It's not a huge difference, but sometimes (only sometimes) longer sentences can be less formal and therefore easier to read. But I still think it's good not to go over 15 words per sentence on average.