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(0 votes) 1:20 pm
Essay Writers
October 21, 2011
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Illiteracy is a crucial problem. Discuss some of its causes and effects,and suggest some solutions.
Illiteracy is a pressing concern especially for poor countries, it affects all other aspects of life and personal behavior of the uneducated one. There are several causes which may lead some one to be uneducated or to escape from school. In this essay we will discuss some causes of illiteracy and its effects on our society, and how we can treat it.
Poverty is the main cause of illiteracy. Mostly poor people are the majority of the population in countries suffer from high percentage of illiteracy. Where poor have several children, they will be unable to educate them all, thus they will let one or more of them to escape school and go to labour for work to collect money and help them in their life costs.
Furthermore, some children are not satisfied with the academic learning methods, and they prefer manual activities. they tend to work earlier preferring practical experience rather than lessons. So they escape school before they get any graduations.
However, illiteracy has a serious drawbacks on the community as a whole, whereas it alter the behavior of the uneducated person. It affects all his lifestyle to the worse, he will become unaware either to the environment, his self hygiene, health measurements or to good nutrition.
Finally, education should be free for all people that will enable poor to educate their children. Otherwise this ratio will increase more and more.
In the same time, education process should be interesting for children. It should goes in a harmony with their qualifications to spur their creativity. It should not be just a mere solid academic program to promote innovation and prosperity
3:24 pm
Hi Alia
Sorry for not getting around to looking at your essay on illiteracy. Your writing seems to have improved a lot! Some points:
Run-on sentences and comma splices:
You still have some run-on sentences and comma splices. A comma splice is where you join what should be two sentence with a comma
Illiteracy is a pressing concern especially for poor countries, it affects all other aspects of life.
This is a very easy mistake to fix. Just use full stops more often:
Illiteracy is a pressing concern especially for poor countries. It affects many aspects of life.
(I changed the "all other" to "many" to avoid dangerous generalizations.)
Here's a run-on sentence (two sentences just stuck together but which should be separate).
Finally, education should be free for all people that will enable poor to educate their children.
Again, this is easy to fix. Just use full stops.
Finally, education should be free for all people. This would enable the poor to educate their children.
Sentence Length
Some of your sentences are very long. This one is 41 words:
Where poor have several children, they will be unable to educate them all, thus they will let one or more of them to escape school and go to labour for work to collect money and help them in their life costs. (41 words)
Try to have an average words per sentence of 12 words. Have a mix of short and long sentences, but don't let many sentences go past 20 words. Here is the same sentence edited slightly:
Poor people may not be able to afford to educate their children. As a result, some children may have to leave school to earn money for the family. (28 words, average 14 per sentence)
Reference
Make it clear what pronouns and other references are related to. For example the word "this ratio" is not clear:
Finally, education should be free for all people. This would enable the poor to educate their children. Otherwise this ratio will increase more and more.
This would be clearer if you wrote:
Otherwise, illiteracy will continue to be a problem.
Verbs, not nouns
Try to use more verbs in your writing, and to reduce the number of nouns. Check if you really need nouns:
- In the same time, education process should be interesting for children.
- Furthermore, some children are not satisfied with the academic learning methods
11:37 pm
Essay Writers
October 21, 2011
Offline
writefix said:
Hi Alia
Sorry for not getting around to looking at your essay on illiteracy. Your writing seems to have improved a lot! Some points:
Run-on sentences and comma splices:
You still have some run-on sentences and comma splices. A comma splice is where you join what should be two sentence with a comma
Illiteracy is a pressing concern especially for poor countries, it affects all other aspects of life.
This is a very easy mistake to fix. Just use full stops more often:
Illiteracy is a pressing concern especially for poor countries. It affects many aspects of life.
(I changed the "all other" to "many" to avoid dangerous generalizations.)
Here's a run-on sentence (two sentences just stuck together but which should be separate).
Finally, education should be free for all people that will enable poor to educate their children.
Again, this is easy to fix. Just use full stops.
Finally, education should be free for all people. This would enable the poor to educate their children.
Sentence Length
Some of your sentences are very long. This one is 41 words:
Where poor have several children, they will be unable to educate them all, thus they will let one or more of them to escape school and go to labour for work to collect money and help them in their life costs. (41 words)
Try to have an average words per sentence of 12 words. Have a mix of short and long sentences, but don't let many sentences go past 20 words. Here is the same sentence edited slightly:
Poor people may not be able to afford to educate their children. As a result, some children may have to leave school to earn money for the family. (28 words, average 14 per sentence)
Reference
Make it clear what pronouns and other references are related to. For example the word "this ratio" is not clear:
Finally, education should be free for all people. This would enable the poor to educate their children. Otherwise this ratio will increase more and more.
This would be clearer if you wrote:
Otherwise, illiteracy will continue to be a problem.
Verbs, not nouns
Try to use more verbs in your writing, and to reduce the number of nouns. Check if you really need nouns:
- In the same time, education process should be interesting for children.
- Furthermore, some children are not satisfied with the academic learning methods
Hello Enda,
Thank you for your effort. we are grateful for your time and your precious advice.
Alia
8:47 am
January 11, 2012
Offline
Hi all, I am a newbie of writefix, I found this website days ago, and found it is good. English writing and speaking is my weakness, so I hope I can improve my english via writefix. I will appreciate if someone here can help. Thank you!
With no doubt illiteracy is a crucial problem of the world, and it is a pervasive phenomenon in poor countries.
There are many causes for the problem, and I think poverty is the most important one. In many undeveloped or developing countries, many people can't afford their basic living needs: food, water,etc. For this reason, the they may not care about if they are illiteracy, and how illiteracy can influence their lives. In these countries, many people are illiteracy, they may have many children in one family, not for other reasons, but to have more labour to get enough food, so they will not send their children to school. It is not suprising that in some poor countries, all generations in a family are illiteracy.
Besides, traditional concept also can be one of the causes. In some countries, such as China,differece among girls and boys is large. In the past decades, girls were not allowed for school,and had to stay at home for housework while boys could go to school for education. Nowadays this phenomenon seems being eased, however, this traditional concept still existed in some countries.
The effects of illiteracy? It leads to a more serious poor-rich gap, not only within a country, but worldwide. Many countries have been developing with their knowledge and technology in different aspects, such as sience, medical fesilities,etc., however those countries with serious illiteracy problem without such knowledge or technologies, this hinders them to make steps forward for improvement. Serious poor-rich gap causes serious society problem(this topic is not discussed here).
Solving illiteracy problem needs long-term policies, it may takes a very long time to ease this problem. Developed countries can donate materials to those which are undeveloped, helping them settle the problems of living needs, then enable the children going to school.
The governments of the countries can also help, by encouraging or enforcing the parents to send their childre to school, letting them know the iffluence of seriousness of illiteracy problem; but the most important is, the illiteracy should keep open-minded, try to learn more, should not only stay in their little world.
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