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(1 votes) 
Many people choose to work or live abroad because of the higher standards of living they can find outside their home country. Do you think this brings more advantages or disadvantages to the people who follow this path?
Nowadays, immigration has become increasingly common largely due to the globalisation. People tend to move to other countries where they can live a better life or have a more satisfactory job. In my opinion, this trend, by and large, has more benefits than drawbacks for immigrants.
To start with, immigration can substantially improve people’s living conditions. This is especially the case for those who live in some third-world countries. For instance, Iraq, a country which has been ravaged by endless civil war and terrorism, cannot even guarantee the basic safety for its fellow citizens, not to mention other basic human needs, such as human rights, education and employment. Clearly, if people move out of Iraq to other more stable countries, then not only their safety can be secured, but also they can have a decent life.
In addition to this, people can often find better jobs outside of their own countries. While western countries have been struggling with economic downturn after the financial crisis wrecked havoc on world economy, China has drawn more and more attention due to its economic resilience and vibrant market. So many people came to China to seek a better career.
However, this is not to say that immigration is always a good thing. Perhaps the first challenge facing those people is language barrier and cultural difference. Another foreseeable adverse effect is that they might lose their cultural identity. This is because immigrants, especially their decedents, will be affected by the culture and customs in the countries where they live. So they are less likely to follow the previous lifestyles.
In conclusion, it is a tendency for people to seek better lives by moving around. So generally, migrating to other countries, most of the time, will bring benefits. But adverse effect cannot be neglected.
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Dear Mr. Writefix,
I've put my essay above, could you please have a look?
I also got a question, do we lose score of 'task response' by only talking about one side while the question mentions "brings more advantages or disadvantages "?
This is because I recently read a book wrote by a IELTS teacher, he mentions if we want to persuade other people, we need to present both pros and cons, and argue that the pros is more persuasive than cons, do you think this is he case in IELTS essay writing?
Thanks a lot! Really appreciate your hard work.
cheers,
Kenny
2:53 pm
Hi Kenny and welcome to Writefix!
I hope you can help one or two people here with your skills!
Introduction
Clear and simple. You don’t have a thesis sentence, but you’ve given an opinion, and so the reader expects that you are only going to write about the benefits of immigration. Perhaps you could change the last sentence
Conclusion
The conclusion is a bit weak, particularly the last sentence, which could be used in a million essays. Try to make every sentence relevant to the topic. You could also finish the conclusion with something about the future:
In conclusion, it is a human tendency to seek better a better life. Migration can benefit both the immigrant and the host nation, despite language and cultural difficulties. If these can be overcome, we will see a positive result of globalization.
Paragraphs 2,3, and 4 are fine. Well done.
The one thing I might change is the order. Usually it’s better to put the negatives first and then the positives, since you are in favor of the statement. Here are two layouts:
| Intro: Yes, I agree | Intro: No, I disagree |
| Some reasons why others disagree | Some reasons why other people agree |
| Why I agree | Why I disagree |
| Conclusion: I agree | Conclusion: I disagree |
So in your case, I’d change the second-last paragraph to make it the second paragraph. What do you think? It’s not a 100% rule - your essay is absolutely fine.
Should we give both sides?
You asked if we lose marks for only talking about one side when the question is "…more advantages or disadvantages?"
It’s always good to give the opposite side. Even if you are 100% convinced, you should still attack or dismiss or knock down or ridicule or undermine the opposite idea, or just show why it is untrue or impractical.
Thanks again - and don't be afraid to help some of the other people here. jLim has a IELTS test tomorrow: I'm sure suggestions will be welcome! - or perhaps Katiss would welcome a few suggestions about this essay!
12:26 am
April 3, 2012
Offline
I wrote following introduction before reading Kenny's.
Migration to developed countries has significantly increased. The superior quality of life has been a major incentive. Meanwhile, some migrants become disappointed and return home after a while. I deeply believe that this process can cause irreversible damages. In particular, wasted lives and resources cannot be offset easily.
still good for nothing? 🙂
Hi Ali,
I did some check, hope you wont mind.
Migration to developed countries has significantly increased(migration is a phenomenon, not a number, so "increased" is not proper here, you could say 'the number of immigrants is increasing). The superior quality of life has been a major incentive. Meanwhile, some migrants become disappointed and return home after a while(isn't it a bit oral English?). I deeply believe that this process can cause irreversible damages. In particular, wasted lives and resources cannot be offset easily.(I know what you mean here, but it doesn't seem to be correctly expressed)
12:51 pm
April 3, 2012
Offline
Thank you very much Kenny.
What is your suggestion for underlined lines?
Most Regards.
Hi Ali,
I deeply believe that this process can cause irreversible damages. In particular, wasted lives and resources cannot be offset easily.
I deeply believe that this process can cause damages to people and require things that are valuable and cannot be regained, such as cost of time and money.
I could wrongly understand you idea, please just take this as a reference.
5:31 pm
Hi Kenny, Ali
Thanks for these edits! It is probably better to be specific.
Ali wrote
Migration to developed countries has significantly increased. The superior quality of life has been a major incentive. Meanwhile, some migrants become disappointed and return home after a while. I deeply believe that this process can cause irreversible damages. In particular, wasted lives and resources cannot be offset easily.
Ali, I think the weakness in this introduction is the reference 'this process' Are you talking about migration in general, or the disappointment felt when a worker returns home? It's not very clear. Here are two paras depending on which one you mean:
Migration to developed countries has increased significantly, with the superior quality of life a major incentive for many immigrants. However, some migrants become disappointed and return home. This can be for many reasons, but it can mean a lost opportunity for the individual, for the host country, and for the developing country.
OR
Migration to developed countries has increased significantly, with the superior quality of life a major incentive for many immigrants. However, some migrants become disappointed and return home. Despite this, migration is a positive, oif challenging, experience for the bulk of workers, and can extensive benefits for both countries involved.
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