Hello Vicky and welcome to Writefix.  

Sorry for the delay in replying - please feel free to comment on other people's writing!

Use simple language 

The first thing that jumps at me is vocabulary. I would really try to write simpler sentences with fewer long words. Your introduction suffers because of too many long words, or words used in the wrong way:

Over the past few decades, non-academic subjects have become increasingly significant in the fast-change which based on the culture. There are wildly varieties of non-academic subjects. The sport is a significant place for children. While others argue that non-academic subjects are less pronounced in the near future, I highly believe that it is inevitable and can benefit us more than we can imagine. There are several reasons, why I believe these opinions. 

Here is the same introduction, shortened and simplified:

In the past few decades, non-academic subjects such as sport, music, art, public speaking, ethics and citizenship have become more important in schools. While some argue that these subjects are not necessary, I believe they are essential. In this essay I will explain why these subjects can benefit us more than we can imagine.

Note that the rewrite uses more examples, and changes the thesis sentence.  

Another example:

1. First of all, other subjects are an inevitable proportion of children's education development 
2. First of all, other subjects are a major part of children's development. 

In paragraph 3, change cookers ==> cooks, wildly ==> a wide, and entertainments ==> functions

Conclusion 

Finally, your conclusion should summarize both paragraphs from the body. Perhaps you could say:

In conclusion, I strongly recommend that schools should consider that non-academic subjects are also beneficial because they allow students have a chance to learn valuable social skills, develop hobbies, and obtain a much wider range of jobs after graduating. 

Thanks for your essay! I hope you can help some other people out!