ma-frank said

Nowadays less communication between family members than it was in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In this speedy developing society some people leave less time to communicate with their family members at home. This phenomenon has been seen around us from our friends or (and, I guess and will be better) colleagues. In my opinion, we cannot find a way to avoid it but we should do something to reduce its negative effects and maintain our happy life as well as survival in this developing world.(Your sentence is a bit of long, and I can't understand the whole meaning of this sentence, like the word behind as well as. You want to reduce what negetive repercussion? What can meantian happy life? I am quite confused. My rewrite: Why should we need to spend more time with our households will be discussed in this essay.)

Originally communicating with our relatives is a natural and enjoyable thing in our life. There are many reasons for people who are compelled to sacrifice their time with (from) family to work or do something else. For instance, People may complain that they have to deal with endless reports, meetings and long time business travelling away from their homes. Both of them occupy their time which be spent to stay with their families. Whereas, when we are forced to accept this reality we can still do something to reduce its occurrence and bad influences and leave possible much time to our family members.(this sentence is way too long, u had made some mistakes inside) Factually this is a dilemma for modern people how to balance life and business. Again, I commit we must face this reality(situation, you had use reality for 2 times) but we can try our best to reduce its influences such as a call from your office to your wife or children when you have to do extra work.(don't you think this sentence is familiar to the prexious content, which is meaningless)

Furthermore, this phenomenon is a result of social development. We produced this problem for by ourselves. Therefore(this conjunction is incorrect) we should solve it by ourselves. Firstly, governments should establish laws(why not try legislation) to protect citizen’s civil rights to have sufficient legal time to stay with family members.(this is a fragment, you haven't mention who will stay with their families) Secondly, people can make the best use of achievements that they produced to care their families and maintain happy life. For example people can use distant video technology to talk (communicate) with family members when they work in another city or country. We should adapt ourselves to the changing society in order to live and work in current society.

In conclusion we need to reduce the influence of intensive works onf our families to lowest extent by adapting ourselves and using possible means(method, strategy) around us. Only on this way we can leave much time with our families as possible as we can while and pursing our achievements in career development.

Hey, Mark, your sentences is way tooooooooooooooo long, and the style of sentences is samiliar. You made several grammer mistakes due to the long sentences. The excessive outdated phrases are used in this essay. Unfortunately, some of them is incorrect.

The discuss of your opinion is repeated sometimes. The topic sentences is good and brief, but the sentence inside of the paragraph is apparent not well-orginized.

I guess your priority is cut down your sentences, under 15 per sentence would be better. Then, fix, rewrite and paste it  here. I guess Enda and some decent authors would come here to help you.

Best regards

Hey, Mark.

Actually, I can get your opinion in your essay, but I don't think some express is correct. Your sentence is a bit long, the average words of one sentence is approximately 19 words. What's more, you worte 359 words in your essay, I don't know whether the examinor would like to read these long sentences and whole passages.

I also use a grammar tool in my laptop to check the grammar problems you made in your essay. What surprised me, there are 25 mistakes in your article. I have the same problem as you several weeks ago, my sentence is long and meaningless. I made tons of grammar mistakes in my essays. I felt awful at that time, but never lose heart.

Come on.