Thanks Nick for this essay!.

Articles/Plurals/Word Form

• The international tourism is now the biggest industry in the world → 
• International tourism is now the biggest industry in the world.

• The large tourisms from other countries → The large numbers of tourists from other countries

• Tourist play a crucial role in Thailand economics.  → 
• Tourists play a crucial role in Thailand’s economy.  OR 
• Tourism plays a crucial role in Thailand’s economy.

 

Subject/Verb Agreement

• The large tourisms from other countries always bring enormous stress to local resident.→
  The large number of foreign tourists brings enormous stress to local residents. OR
  Large numbers of foreign tourists cause stress for local residents.

• Moreover, tourism business is not only close the gap between people but also influences the economy. →
  Moreover, tourism not only closes the gap between people, but also benefits the economy.

Specify!

This essay will indicates some several reasons for why I disagree with this opinion.

This sentence could be used in a million essays. Let’s change it so that it is specific to this topic

This essay will outline several reasons why I feel tourism can bring people together and increase understanding.

Clarify

• Thailand’s government promotes their tourist spots as commercialization. It helps the needy can live in comfort and relieve from the poor line. →
  Thailand’s government is very active in promoting tourism. The millions of visitors the country receives each year provide jobs for people who might otherwise might be living in poverty.  

Repeated subject

• Some countries, such as The United Stated, India, and Thailand all of them have their specific belief, tradition

Most countries have specific beliefs, traditions, and culture.

Examples

• Take my own country for example. People always expect that the tourist come to travel and realize how exquisite my country is.

Great Nick -  but tell us! What country is that? Where are you? Don’t make us work!

Take my own country, Thailand, for example.

Avoid Generalizations

Besides, some visitors who are lake of conscience would destroy the most important precious heritage then the war occurs

Be careful not to exaggerate or generalize. Very very few wars start because a tourist does something wrong in a country. Perhaps there’s a fist-fight or a brawl or perhaps a police case. But a busload of Chinese grandmothers visiting Thailand is unlikely to start World War Three, unless it’s at the lunch buffet.

• Though people might think that the tourism practice always insults the local →
  Although some people might think that tourism insults local beliefs

Coherence and Cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion is what IELTS calls flow. Do the sentences flow from one to the next? It’s 25% of the grade. Your sentences have to follow each other logically and build on each other. Here, you write:

As consequence, there is isolation from foreigner to the local people.

In the sentence before this we had ‘war.’ Now we have  ‘isolation’   It’s not logical. There’s nothing wrong with your idea of locals and tourists being isolated from each other. It just needs to be logically organized. Here’s one possible paragraph:

Many residents have very little interaction with foreign tourists. They see the luxury buses going by. They see the busy five-star hotels and the crowds of visitors with tour guides and the latest cameras and phones outside the attractions. But they rarely speak to or engage with the foreigners. In this situation/As a consequence, particularly if the locals do not earn a lot of money, it is easy to feel resentful of the visitors’ wealth or just to feel isolated from them.

Unclear

People always expect that the tourist come to travel and realize how exquisite my country is.

Could this be rewritten like this?

Thailand is a world-famous tourist destination for its beauty, culture, food, and people.

I think the more examples you give, and the more specific the example are, the better. Tell us about your country, and give real examples! 

Here are some comment on Essays' essay. 

Punctuation

You have a run-on sentence here:

• I do not completely agree that tourism only brings conflict instead there are various advantages and disadvantages as well.  → I do not agree that tourism only brings conflict. Instead there are various advantages and disadvantages as well.

It’s easy to fix -  just use a full stop. Read more about Fragments, run-on sentences and Comma Splices here.

Here’s a comma splice. The length of the sentence should warn you that there is a problem:

• Firstly, as we can see millions and billions of people going annually for sightseeing or sunbathing in the beaches in various country, this would open the door of employment opportunities in various aspects like transportation, accommodation and entertainment. (1 sentence, 38 words)

Again it’s easy to fix. Replace the comma with a full stop.

Every year, millions of people travel for sightseeing or for sun holidays. This opens the door for employment opportunities in tourist industries such as transportation, accommodation and entertainment. (2 sentences, 28 word, 14 words per sentence.) 

Word Choice/Word Form/Usage

• Billions of people move  → millions of people travel [move implies a permanent move, e.g., for immigration. 
• like the way they talk → for example, in the way they talk for
• the more influx of tourists means more production of wastes → the greater the influx of tourists, the greater the production of waste    OR    the more tourists, the more waste

Articles/Plurals

• create misunderstanding between the nations → create misunderstanding between nations
• the culture of different country → the culture of different countries
• in the beaches in various country  → on the beaches of various countries
• the state is building the pubs, resorts and entertainment complexes at the rapid rate → companies and developers build pubs, resorts and entertainment complexes rapidly
• For example, foreigner may expand their knowledge → For example, foreigners may expand their knowledge
• As the international tourism is being massively commercialized → As international tourism is being massively commercialized

 

Clarify

You wrote:

I do not completely agree that tourism only brings conflict

This means that you agree about 90%. Let’s rewrite it, based on your statement in the conclusion that you believe tourism is good.

I disagree that tourism only brings conflict

You wrote:

These had leaded the life of wild animals and rare plant species vulnerable for extinction.

Here’s one possible rewrite:

Wild animals and rare plants may be threatened with extinction. 
OR   
Wild animals and rare plants may face extinction. 

Shorten/Simplify

• Millions and billions of people → Millions of people
• As we can see millions and billions of people going annually for sightseeing or sunbathing → Every year, millions of people travel for sightseeing or for the sun

You wrote:

• Overall, these all stimulate the economic development of that particular country where the people travel to.

Here’s one possible rewrite:

Overall, these all stimulate the economic development of the host countries/destination countries/tourist destinations.

Here’s a 31-word sentence:

As the international tourism is being massively commercialized the state is building the pubs, resorts and entertainment complexes at the rapid rate which actually is impossible without deforestation and spoiling beaches.

Let shorten it drastically.

As tourism develops, hotels, resorts, entertainment complexes and bars shoot up, often damaging forests or spoiling beaches. (16 words)

Coherence and Cohesion

You wrote:

Furthermore, some country may completely rely on this industry for their livelihood. This, in fact may be the attraction of the huge multinational investment.

The connection between these two sentences is not clear. What is the link? What does ‘this’ in the second sentence refer to? For example, tourism is very important in Egypt, but does this lead to huge multinational investment, and if so how? What about Mauritius or Thailand?  We need an example because the link is not clear.

You wrote:

• In addition, they may bring ill social practices such as alcoholism, prostitution and lack of respect to their elders.

Who does the pronoun ‘they’ refer to? Tourists or young people? It needs to be clearer. Let’s rewrite it

1. As a result, young people may turn to alcohol or prostitution and lose respect for their elders.  OR
2. The alcohol or prostitution associated with tourism may offend locals.

People think

Do you need ‘people think’ in this sentence?

On the other hand, there are some points why people think that the movement of people from one country to another may develop negative relationship between the two countries.

It’s 29 words. That’s too long.  What does “develop” a negative relationship mean?

On the other hand, tourism can also result in/lead to/cause friction/tension/disagreement/ antagonism/hostility between countries.

Specify! Generic Phrases/Sentences

You wrote:

• …instead there are various advantages and disadvantages as well.

Specify! Make every sentence relevant to the question. Here’s a possible rewrite:

Tourism can bring jobs, investment and pride in a country’s history and identity. However, it can also damage the environment and risk cultural conflicts.

You wrote:

• On the other hand, there are some points why people think the movement of people from one country to another may develop negative relationship between the two countries. (28 words)

A lot of unnecessary words here and three phrases introducing the sentence. Let’s shorten it:

However, tourism can also damage relations between countries.  (8 words)

Conclusion

You have 60 words in one sentence in your conclusion. Do not have any sentence over 25 words, and alarm bells should start to ring at 20 words. Your average sentence length should be between 12 and 15 words.

A conclusion needs to summarize both sides, give your opinion and perhaps suggest something for the future (a recommendation, some advice or a warning). This needs at least two and possibly three sentences. You can read more about conclusions here.