Hi Victor,

A good essay with some good structure,Although some parts seem hard to read and understand.

A very good introduction,reflecting the whole question. But one thing should be made, as the question asks to give your opinion you should put a subjective sentence such as "I" or "we". Dont afraid of.

Compelling arguments can be made that an awareness of team work is going to drive youngsters to become more useful adults. To start with, a team with much cooperation tends to boost productivity. Only if all the members involved collaborate with each other, will they accomplish tasks effectively and efficiently. Moreover, once every single individual participate in the cooperation, everyone will share their information and display their skills, which is beneficial to colleagues to learn from others. Thus, they will enrich their vision and experiences. Last but not least, children who are motivated to co-operate have strong feelings about the group, the community as well. Therefore, when they become adults they might play a significant role in the establishment of harmonious organization culture.

**I dont understand what do you mean of awareness of team working here? May be Im a bit tough but I think the word awareness here is strange. (team working)

** involved in a team

** then colleagues could learn from each other.

** I cannot make a link between these two sentences. It needs more collaborate to explain.

Irrefutably, children who can do well in competition are also considered to be successful competitors in the future. Students being taught to beat their opponents have strong confidence. They will not give up when they are confronted with difficulties, but try their best to combat those troubles. Furthermore, children should be motivated to learn by themselves. For example, if a student win a game all by himself or herself, it could bring him or her a recognition of achievement. Nevertheless, those students who are eager to beat peers tend to be aggressive and they are easily to be hurt once they lose a game.

*wins

The second paragraph is made well.

Overall, I think you are quite good in grammar and making a good structure. And also making thesis and back them with ideas. But I think it would be much more better if you made your reasons clear to understand, sometimes I guess those ideas bring my mind to a halt to catch what you mean.Moreover,as this essay asks you to put your opinion do not hesitate to use "I" or " we" in your essay. However, thanks to this essay as Ive learned many thing from. And I know you are quite good to put some comments on our essays.

Best regards,

Hi Victor,

No problem. Yes the phrase " teamwork spirit" would suit your meaning. And in terms of clarity I think the more our ideas are simple, the more we can support them. Remember that the writing which will be held after one hour and half sitting on the chair,making us quite nervous and exhausted. Then it is very likely that we forget many things to deal with. Believe me our essays here ( typing with computer while drinking a coffee and surfing on the Internet) are much better than those we will make in exam with real circumstances. So Id like to try with some simple ideas that are easy to support.

Cheers,