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(0 votes) 2:45 pm
March 7, 2012
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Every year a lot of money is spent on space projects. Many people, on the contrary, claim that it is worth running such programs ! This essay will show my point of view that there are two reasons to budget that exploration.
The space change can affects our planet directly. Imagine what will happen whether the earth moves too closer to or too farther away from the sun. Our earth would be become much hotter or colder and then how will all kinds of living things live. The project would let us learn those various potential threats and we therefore could find the solutions and solve on time.
Moreover, since the resources on our earth is limited and with the dramatically increasing demand, we need elsewhere sources. The world overpopulation is the most issue that the economists and biologists concern. The rising mankind number means more food to be produced. We so that need more land to cultivate and breed animals, for example. In addition, power source is also one thing to be considered. With the larger amount of vehicles, more fuels is inevitable.
I firmly believe that we should finance space exploration in order to get rid of brutal dangers from universe and to find useful sources for humankind to live in secure through the far future.
218 words/90 mins
Hi Youtthasack
This is my edited version of your essay!
Every year a lot of money is spent on space projects. Many people, on the contrary, claim that it is worth running such programs ! This essay will show my point of view that there are two reasons to budget that exploration.
The space change can affects our planet directly. Imagine what will happen when the earth moves too close to or too far away from the sun. Our earth's temperature would change dramatically causing the survival rate of many species to drop. The project would let us learn about various potential threats and space programs could give us the resources to solve them.
Moreover, since resources on our earth are limited and with the dramatically increasing demand, we need sources from elsewhere . The world's overpopulation issue has concerned many economists and biologists. The rising mankind number means more food needs to be produced. For this to occur we need more land to cultivate and breed animals etc. In addition, power source is also one thing to be considered. With the larger amount of vehicles, more fuels is inevitable.
I firmly believe that we should finance space exploration in order to get rid of brutal dangers from the universe and to find useful sources for humankind to use in the coming future.
I have edited it a bit, because some of it didn't make much sense to me. I would add another paragraph to make your argument more clear.
12:17 pm
March 7, 2012
Offline
Every year a lot of money is spent on space projects. Many people, on the contrary, claim that it is worth running such programs! This essay will show my point of view that there are two reasons to budget that exploration.
You have to use on the contrary after that you mentioned an idea or opinion then you are going to say opposite side.
Every year huge money is spent on space projects. Although some people opposite to this investment, many people claim that it is worthwhile running such programmes. I think there are two reasons why we should budget for that exploration.
The space change can affects our planet directly. Imagine what will happen when the earth moves too close to or too far away from the sun. Our earth's temperature would change dramatically causing the survival rate of many species to drop. The project would let us learn about various potential threats and space programs could give us the resources to solve them.
I do not think if the earth is going to go closer toward the sun astronomers or space exploration can do any thing!!!
I think we need to back up our opinion with compelling reasons. Like global warming, lack of resources, need a place for over population and so forth.
If our earth's temperature dramatically changes , it may cause a drop in the survival of the species.
Do not put more than one point in a sentence.
In the second paragraph add at least one sentence after you give reason for space exploration. For example,
Moreover, since resources on our earth are limited and with the dramatically increasing demand, we need sources from elsewhere. For example, as some resources such as oil is rare on the our planet, might abound on other planets.
1:45 pm
Hi Youtthasack! Thanks for your essay and thanks for the corrections and suggestions, Brian and Yoshirama. Some good ideas here!
Yoshirama - I couldn't see where the changes were at first until I read your comment at the end. Maybe you can use different colors or indents and some comments so that it is clearer why you changed something! But some good ideas too. Where should he add another paragraph? Youtthasask's essay is only 217 words, so he does need another 40 or so words to meet the IELTS Writing Task 2 requirement of 250 words
On the contrary
Yes, Brian - just as you said, you need to use it after another opposite idea. But don't mix up 'opposite' with 'oppose.' Here are two correct sentences:
- Some countries spend billions on space exploration. However, many people are opposed to this.
- Some countries spend billions on space exploration. However, many people oppose this and say we should spend the money to solve other problems here on earth.
Word Choice
Youtthasack wrote:
Our earth would be become much hotter or colder and then how will all kinds of living things live.
Yoshirama added some nice vocab and avoided the 'live'/'living' repetition. She changed this to
Our earth's temperature would change dramatically causing the survival rate of many species to drop.
Word Form/Usage
- budget that exploration ==> budget for (well-spotted, Brian!)
I like Youtthasack's sentence
The project would let us learn about various potential threats and space programs could give us the resources to solve them.
Some edits:
The rising mankind number means more food needs to be produced. For this to occur we need more land to cultivate and breed animals etc. In addition, power source is also one thing to be considered. With the larger amount of vehicles, more fuels is inevitable.
The rising population means more food needs to be produced.
Avoid using 'etc' and 'and so on' - give another example
- For this to occur we need more land to cultivate and breed animals etc==> For this to occur we need more land for cultivation and raising animals.
- More fuels is inevitable ==> More fuel will inevitably be needed
Youtthasack, your essay is clearly organized. I would change the words 'brutal dangers' in the last sentence, and look at where more examples would be useful.
Thanks everyone.
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