Hello Alia

Thanks for this essay. I do have to say that your essay on local languages and dialects was better than this one -  better organized and with fewer fragments. Let me go through a few points:

Chunks of text

Try to avoid using phrases or sentences which are not related to the essay. Examples are:

I agree completely with this statment for many causes which I will discuss in my essay .

In conclosion I agree for hundred per cent with the above statment that it stats my opinion .

These could be in any essay on any subject, and examiners think of them as 'chunks of memorized text.' Your vocabulary and ideas show you don't need them. Instead, change them by making them specific to the text:

In this essay, I will explain why I think parents have a huge responsibility to limit their children's television  exposure.

In conclusion, I agree fully that parents need to be more active in monitoring their children's television and computer use.

Organization

I had to reformat your essay again, Alia -  I am not sure where your paragraphs begin and end!  If you are typing in Microsoft Word, use the little button in the toolbar with the "W" to copy-and-paste into the forum. 

If the examiner cannot follow your paragraphs, you are limiting yourself to a Band 5 or even 4. Have a look at the IELTS writing descriptors for Task 2 under "Links:"

• Band 5: may not write in paragraphs, or paragraphing may be inadequate
• Band 4: may not write in paragraphs or their use may be confusing

But look at Band 7!

• Band 7: presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

So it's very important to use paragraphs, leave spaces, and make it clear to the reader what the main idea is. Make sure your paragraph has a Topic sentence (main idea), and at least two ideas each with a supporting sentence.

Fragments

There are some fragments in your essay

• Where children can not  define what thay can watch and what they should not .
• Any material suitable for their age.
• Not to allow them watching violence films or violence sports, like boxing or kicking . 
• As it my affects their behaviour latter on with their friends in school or  brothers at home.
• The same thing concerning computer games.

Check out the fragments link here. 

In general, you have good ideas and vocabulary and some very good structures, but just watch out for the organization, fragments, and memorized or non-specific text. Don't throw away marks for nothing!