Hi Alice Huynh,

This was a nice essay, but I still want to give some comments to make it perfect.

To give students feeling of comfort and freedom, some schools allow students to wear casual clothing. In addition, other schools believe that compel(compelling) their students to wear a school uniform can help staff manage the student easier. As wearing school uniform does not merely unify students but also can make students feel equal; therefore, school should require their students to wear a school uniform.

            Wearing uniform is an assistance of(for) the education system. For most of Asian schools, wearing uniform is compel(compulsory) because they believe(it is believed) that uniform represents one school as well as giving the student a sense of belonging. Moreover, uniform is useful identified system, which allows staffs to distinguish their children with hooligan(this word seems too specific and not suitable). Further, uniform make(makes) the students feel more responsible of his or her action. For instance, students may not want to pick a fight nor do an illegal act because they are conscious that they will be caught easily by identifying the uniform.  

            More benefits are equality and comfort that come from wearing uniform. For a long time ago, people’s state is recognized by their appearance. Thus, whether nobody complains about what clothes(,) you are wearing, still people may feel uncomfortable when look at beautiful clothes of others and then think of themselves. Uniform is a savior for students who live in difficult condition by giving them more confident and more equal because everybody is wearing the same cloth. 

            As others disagree of wearing uniform is not necessary, schools in Asia still believe that wearing uniform is compulsory. For some countries, wearing uniform has become a traditional culture. To meet the demand of many students, the education system has produced so many fashionable uniform but still suitable for students. Thus, why not wearing uniform?

Hi Alice,

Well done. Nice ideas and good vocaburlary 🙂

As we do not know what the full topic question is (agree or disagree/ To what extent.../ why and whats the benefits), so I assume you wrote this essay to answer "agree or disagree" because your give two opinions in your 1st paragraph.Here is something I think you can improved in your essay.

1. I think its better to give some clear topic sentences in your First and Last paragraph.

2. Your have many ideas to support your essay, but I suggest you do not list them all. For example, in the 2nd paragraph, its better to use some words to explain your ideas rather than left an idea without any support. 

3. The opposite opinion has only mentioned once in your essay. Shall we give a paragraph to argue it if this is an agree/disagree question? (I'm not sure about this, but I did in mine)

4. A little modifications in your essay as below 🙂

To give students the feeling of comfort and freedom, some schools allow students to wear casual clothing. Moreover However, other schools believe that compelling their students to wear a school uniform can help staffs manage the student easier. As wearing school uniform does not merely unify students but also can make students feel equal. Therefore, school should require their students to wear a school uniform.

            Wearing uniform is an assistance for the education system because it is not only the representative of a school but also help the staff supervises the students. For In most of Asian schools, wearing uniform is compulsory, because it is believed the uniforms represents one school as well as giving give the student a sense of belonging. Moreover, uniform is identified system an identify, which allows staffs to distinguish their children with hooligan others. For example, because many bad guys some some adults may look too young, the staff could mistakenly recognize these guys them as the students. Therefore, wearing uniform will  can help staffs and teachers manage their students more efficient. Further, students can be recognized by the information, (such as name, school’s name and class), which are labelled on uniform. In addition, students can also be identified by distinct style of different schools. Thus, uniform makes the students feel more responsible for his or her  their actions in public.

            The uniform also brings comfort and confidence to its owner. In the old society, the aristocrat used to recognize each other by luxury cloths and appearance. Nowadays, in the small society of academy, people still judge the others through their appearance. As a result, sSome students may be teased for because of their appearances; and they may not feel confident anymore. In order terms of  that, the uniform makes student feel more confident and more equal, because everybody is wearing the same cloth. 

            As others do not consent to wear uniform, schools in Asia still believe that wearing uniform is necessary and it should be compulsory. For  In some countries, wearing uniform has become a traditional culture. To meet the demand of many students, the education system has produced so many fashionable uniform but still suitable for students. For that reason, why not wearing uniform?