Hi Katiss,

Well done!

I think your essay is well-organised with a wide range of vocabulary and complex structures. However, I just want to mention a few points:

I think in your introduction, you don't have a thesis sentence which summarize what you are going to do in the main body paragraphs. This may cause confusion to the readers.

Your conclusion might me off-topic. In my opinion, the conclusion should summarize the idea of the essay.

There are also some mistakes relate to grammar and word choice. Here is my edition:

"As travelling becomes more affordable, more and more people visit foreign countries. However, there are major differences in the level of interest travellers have in their destination‘s culture and how travellers explore a new place.  

Individual approaches to understanding and of a foreign culture and its history may vary. Some people prefer to be self-guided and explore on their own. They may choose to visit places frequented by locals, like markets or local restaurants. Another way of finding out about the art, customs and history of a nation is by visiting museums, historic sites and cultural events. Guided tours may be the quickest and most convenient way to learn about a country. Mostly, guides are locals and can also give visitors some insight in the history and cultural background of sights.

While some people find learning about a new culture exciting, others may be not interested in it or simply travel there ( what is there replace for?) for other purposes. Many tourists choose a foreign destination for the beach or scenery (I think the phrase "choose a foreign destination for the beach or scenery" might not gramatically correct) rather than an interest in the local culture. They may just travel there to relax and not necessarily be curious about the country or its inhabitants. Business travellers may simply lack the time or a focused on other things to pay too much attention to their destination. Some visitors may enjoy all aspects of a foreign culture like trying exotic food, hearing (listening to) unfamiliar music or attending sports or cultural events (which might be) different from those in their home countries. Others choose to stick to their habits, for example eat the same food, even when they travel far away.

The intensity of an encounter with a foreign culture travellers ( this phrase "The intensity of an encounter with a foreign culture travellers" might be confusing) experience may not only dependent (depend) on how much time they spend in a place. People‘s attitudes and way of discovering a destination are major factors in this experience."