Hello Youtthasack

You have put so much work into your essay that I have to reply!

Introduction

I like your introduction. It's short and clear.

You wrote

Many people seem to have different meaning of happiness and even though the theorists still can not define the fix meaning of it. This essay will show what happiness is to me.

With some small changes:

People seem to have many different meanings for happiness. Even theorists still can not define it. This essay will show what happiness is to me.

Organization

Paragraph 2 (I think) is about joy and feelings. Paragraph 3 is about health and physical comfort. It often doesn't matter how you organize - there is no right and wrong way. But the important thing is to organize. I might have put playing sport (paragraph 2) in with Paragraph 3 - the pleasure of good health. It doesn't really matter, as long as it is logically organized. See the IELTS descriptors for Task 2 Writing, under the heading Coherence and Cohesion, regarding logical organization.

Sentence Structure

This is a fragment, not a sentence.

For instance, playing sport, going shopping, listening to music, writing a book, practicing arts and so on.

It needs a subject or a main verb, or it needs to be joined to another sentence

For instance, playing sport, going shopping, listening to music, writing a book, and practicing arts can all give us intense pleasure. OR

Activities such as playing sport, going shopping, listening to music, writing a book, practicing arts and other amusements can be very rewarding and pleasurable.

Word Choice/Word Form

Avoid "etc", "and so on" - either don't use a list or else think of another example. Make it easy for the reader. Specify. Don't leave them guessing what "and so on" could be.

• That is a tragedy human experience.==> That is a tragic human experience. OR: That is a human tragedy.
• define the fix meaning of it ==> a fixed meaning for it.
• We should try to maintain to meet our own pleasance.

Unclear. Pleasance is an archaic word (no longer used).

We can be happy by staying healthy and doing the things we love.

One sentence, one idea

Millions of civil were killed every year by mortal deceases and a large sum of money were spent on curing and doing research.

This sentence has two ideas. Separate them. Is the second one relevant to the topic?

1. Millions of people die from diseases.
2. Large sums of money are spent on medical treatment and research.

Paragraph 3 might be rewritten as follows

In addition, physical pleasure and health are also an important part of happiness. Every year, millions of people die from disease. That is a tragic human experience. We cannot be happy if we suffer from any kind of illness. People should appreciate their health and learn to use their bodies.

(Some people might disagree with you here - is it possible to be sick but happy? Can even terminally-ill people know happiness?)

Overall, you seem to be working very hard to convey meaning in each sentence. I would suggest putting the dictionary away until AFTER you finish writing, and only using it to check meanings and spellings. Just try to write as simply as you can!

Hi Radha and thanks for taking on the challenge of writing an essay about what happiness means to you.

After checking with http://www.online-utility.org/english/readability_test_and_improve.jsp, we find your essay is 283 words long, which is fine, but the average sentence length is 20 words per sentence, which is a little too long. You can either try to reduce all the sentences, which is sometimes very difficult and not appropriate, or you can add some shorter sentences to bring the average down. The website identified some sentences as needing some work or simplification

Simplify or Shorten

For instance, when he shares his outstanding knowledge with people who come for his advice and they get benefited, the smile on his lips would reveal his happiness which comes from the bottom of his heart.

Too long (36 words), too many metaphors (lips, heart,/bottom), and not clearly related to the previous sentence ("gift of the gab"). Let's rewrite it:

For instance, helping others by sharing knowledge or information can be very rewarding.

Finally, I end my essay with a view that although happiness can be defined in various ways, in my view happiness can be achieved only when people have health, wealth and wisdom.

Finally, in my view, happiness can be best achieved when people have health, wealth and wisdom.

I will explain how a person can be happy to the fullest extent when he has all the above to his heart's content even though it is not possible to get all these in total.

In this essay, I will explain how, although a perfect balance may be difficult to achieve, health, wealth and wisdom are needed make a person happy.

When he sees sick people around him with sad faces, he surely counts his blessings and thanks the almighty for keeping him away from the hospitals and the medical bills.

When we see sick people, we count our blessings and thank God for keeping us from hospitals, medical bills, and illhealth.

Parallel

Only people who are affluent could afford the most expensive cars, the latest Apple i-pods, visit to the elite spas and have series of unending fun.

Only people who are affluent could afford the most expensive cars, the latest Apple i-pods, the elite spas, and the unending privileges of the rich.

Word Choice

• gift of the gab ==> communicative ability, knowledge
• he ==> we/they: I don't care too much about political correctness, but surely women are entitled to happiness too?

Overall, Radha, it's clear and organized. Just watch out for the sentence length and keep simplifying! Simple doesn't mean using baby English -  it can be very difficult to simplify!