Hi Nick and thanks for this essay!

Watch out for plurals and articles, and try to give examples. Don't be woolly or vague. The question in IELTS asks you to give examples.

Word Choice/Usage

• teachers should preserve the students to use computer in classroom → 
  teachers should stop/limit/control/ban/moderate the use of computers by students in the classroom
• I will point out some problems about too dependent on computer and show my opinions. → 
  I will point out some problems about being too dependent on computer and say why I think we need to use them properly in our schools. 
• Some ways are considerably affecting the children who are attending to class. → (Specifiy!) 
  The computer is affecting children’s handwriting, communication, and social skill. 
• I think that teacher don’t have to cancel the way that involve in computer →
  I think that teachers don’t have to stop using computers
• the computer is being convenient and practical →
  the computer is convenient and practical

Articles/Plurals

• In present- day world → In the present world OR (better ) Today 
• people can reach computer →people can use the computer OR people can use computers
• People did not learn how to limit themselves to use computer correctly → the computer properly
• I think that teacher don’t… → I think that teachers don’t…  OR I think that a teacher doesn’t…
• have some recreation with peers → have some recreation with their peers
• parent and teacher still have to consider  → parents and teachers

Verb Tense

• it somehow becomes a major concern →  it has become (present perfect)

Vague words/Unnecessary words

• In this advanced technology → today (?)
• In my view I think that teacher don’t have to cancel the way that involve in computer, but use then in a wise way. 
  In my view teachers don’t have to stop using computers in class, but they must use them wisely. 
• Secondly, leader should encourage students to have some recreation with peers after using computer. 
  The leader? Leaders? Teachers? (You could make this clearer)

Specify: Give examples

You wrote:

Besides, losing communicate ability and interpersonal skills both are caused by these high-tech products and effective computer.

This needs some examples. It could be rewritten:

In addition, long hours spent playing games can reduce a child’s ability to communicate with family or other children. As children socialize less with each other, their intrapersonal skills decline.  

Check the topic!

The question asks about reading and writing. If a child spends a lot of time on computers, how would this affect his or her reading ability? And what about writing - not just handwriting, but being able to spell or write messages or stories. Would computers not help children to do both of these if they use social networks such as Facebook for example?

Always read and re-read the topic to make sure you've tackled it.

Overall, Nick, I suggest you give more examples (only one per sentence) and try to develop the ideas fully.