hello and thank you very much for commenting on my essay,

yeah, i got the word diligence!!!!!!!! hardworking=diligence

secondly, yes I too thought of writing "instead of" at the first time but why i went for 'not' i don't have an idea. 

thirdly, hmmm by removing the "by an expert teacher" will not only make it nice but also shorten my word as well.

thank you!!!!!

hello chrisluke921221,

I am really grateful to you for your comments.

chrisluke921221 said

Well done, guys.

just make some quick comments on it.

1. spelling: now a day-> nowadays.

yeah I got it. But, i wrote it the same way initially but MS word put it that way. hmm so nowadays not now a day. Still, confused which is right. 

2.I completely disagree with the view that schools are only focussed(focused) on producing productive members of a society not paying attention to the children's individual development.

(

1):Personally i reckon it sounds better get rid of "the view .." as in you have mentioned the view earlier

2) "produce" is used for a thing not for the person.   i guess you might want to say "foster" or cultivate (personally prefer to user "foster")

3) by the way,  "not paying attention to "  adding words like "rather than(even something else depending on your structure)" is better, but i reckon you rewrite this sentence.

-hmmm, so focused but i think its focussed.

-I prefer to write simple one like "I agree or disagree" but anyways thank you I will try to use in some other time.

-I wrote "not paying attention to" in order to paraphrase the question as rather than has been already written in the question part.

3.  our dearest admin suggests that DO NOT use "cliches" , it is certainly true is one of them.

On the one hand,School plays a significant role for(in) making children a good citizen and skilled workers,  does it look much clearer?

"cliches"- ??????? I am really poor with prepositions.
4. Students are given lessons about the responsibility of an effective (i dont think it is appropriate..)citizen by an expert teacher in an interesting way. This helps the kid to acquire such knowledge in their pure minds.

(hmmmm, how about "the school teaches students how to be responsible citizens. This helps prevent violence and encourages students to realize that they can make a positive difference in the society")  PlLUS, "the kid " is too informal

this sentence indeed suits in here. thank you very much.

5.pupils are trained skills like computer programs that are beneficial for their future jobs

(the pupils learn skills(or acquire knowledge) like computer literacy and blah blah, which are beneficial for their future jobs.... )

I don't have an idea what to write other than computer programs. lol!!!!

6. Such an effort made by school will obviously enable the children to secure a particular job in the future.

(Thus, it increases the students' chances of getting a better job in the future.)

nice one.

7.

I would like to point out that while teaching how to become a good citizen and skilled workers (inconsistent singular/plural nouns) they are taught about their individual development as well  , by the way, i dont get what you mean.....

a good citizen and skilled worker

i mean to say that its obvious when you are learning how to become a good or disciplined citizen then inevitably you will learn about good character of being a good individual which will help you to develop.

or these characters are interlinked.

8. An important character that a person should harbour for achieving success are discipline and hardworking.

(you write " an" in the beginning then "are" ????  btw, harbour ...hmm...i do not think it is an appropriate  word here.), the rest has been pointed out then i skip.....lol

haaa, it was my mistake. I appreciate you for pointing out it. I lost my sight. ha ha... I thik 'the' would be better. what can be the appropriate word for 'habcour' then????????????

9.So, children who are obedient, loyal, trustworthy, dedicated and devoted to what they do can only become an outstanding adult, an excellent citizen and employer as well.

(WOW.....not really necessary to make a list of "so many virtues"...lol) on top of that, this sentence........rewrite it....

hhhhhh, i just wanted to make the list of characters of a good citizen, adult and worker. What can be the better way then???????????

10. i reckon "for instance" is enough for your example...

students who are not co operative can not maintain peace and harmony in their personal, social and working life

(

can not maintain peace and harmony......this.....hmmmm.....

)

yes it was the slip of my tongue oopsssss my typing..............he he....

 

11. i conclude (by) saying that ... and last paragraph.....

BY......

essays said

People have different views about the main purpose of schools now a day. However, I completely disagree with the view that schools are only focussed on producing productive members of a society not paying attention to the children's individual development.

On the one hand, it is certainly true that school plays a significant role for making children a good citizen and skilled worker. Students are given lessons about the responsibility of an effective citizen in an interesting way. This helps the kid to grasp such knowledge in their pure mindset. At the same time, pupils are trained skills like computer programs and effective communication that are beneficial for their future jobs. Thus, it increases the students' chances of getting a better job in the future.

However, on the other hand, I would like to point out that while teaching how to become a good citizen and skilled worker its inevitable that they will learn about their individual development as well. The important character that a person should harbour for achieving success are discipline and hardworking. So, children who possess obedience, loyalty, dedication and devotion to what they do can also become an outstanding adult, an excellent citizen and employer as well. For instance, students who are not co operative can not maintain peace and harmony in their personal, social and working life. They ultimately turn into violent member in the family, society and office.

Taking both these above into consideration, I conclude by saying that the distinctive characteristics of an excellent citizen, worker and prosperous individual are not mutually exclusive. Therefore, the main aim of school is to nurture the immature children with all the essential quality of discipline, endurance and resilience.